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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the average price per kilo of clothing imported into the European Union from seven major countries of origin in 1997 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The chart below shows the average price per kilo of clothing imported into the European Union from seven major countries of origin in 1997 and 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the
men
Check wording
men's
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 per kilo of clothing imported to
European
Correct article usage
the European
show examples
 Union
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 seven
countries
Use synonyms
 between 1997
abd
Correct your spelling
and
 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, Argentina
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest
price
Use synonyms
 for clothing in both years
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 Bangladesh
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest. In 1993,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 average
price
Use synonyms
or
Change preposition
of
show examples
 clothing imported from Argentina was 27
euro
Use synonyms
 and Brazil was 23
euro
Use synonyms
 which makes them the most expensive
countries
Use synonyms
 for clothing import.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 Japan was the third country in clothing import 15
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
. But in 2003, the average
price
Use synonyms
 for Argentina and Japan decreased (22 and 12
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
)
while
Linking Words
 Brazil
still
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 at the same average. For the remaining
Countries
Use synonyms
 China , India and Bangladesh, China had the highest mean
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 those
countries
Use synonyms
 in both years
,
Correct word order
. Also,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the mean of each country increased in 2003
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is more than the average in 1993.
For example
Linking Words
, the average of Japan was 10 in 1993
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in 2003 the average was 17
euro
Use synonyms
 approximatelly , the mean of India was 7 in 1993
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 after 10 years in 2003 it was 12
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 Bangladesh was 3
Use synonyms
euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
 but in 2003
was
Correct pronoun usage
it was
show examples
 6.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words price, countries, euro with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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