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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is widely
recognized
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recognised
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 that youth curfew laws are used in some parts of the United States to stop
teenagers
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 from staying outside late at night without an adult.
This
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 issue has generated significant discussion regarding the potential to improve public safety and the concern about taking away
teenagers
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' freedom. In my view,
although
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 these laws aim to protect young
people
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, they are too strict for responsible teens, and
this
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 essay will examine both aspects to provide a comprehensive perspective.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there is a compelling argument concerning the safety benefits of keeping
teenagers
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 indoors at night. The primary reason for
this
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 is that staying at home reduces the chances of young
people
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 getting involved in crime, gang activities, or dangerous accidents.
As a result
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, local
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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 become safer, and there are fewer incidents of late-night damage to property. A clear illustration of
this
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 can be seen in cities like Dallas, where police reported fewer late-night problems with minors after enforcing curfew rules, which highlights the practical impact of
this
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 situation.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, another crucial factor to consider is the limitation on
teenagers
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' independence and rights.
This
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 is mainly
due to
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 the fact that many older teens have part-time jobs, school events, or legitimate reasons to be outside late without their parents.
Consequently
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, honest young
people
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 can be stopped by police unfairly,
while
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 law enforcement wastes time that could be spent catching real criminals.
For instance
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, recent studies in Criminology demonstrate that most teenage crimes happen right after school ends, not late at night.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 late-night curfews can help prevent youth trouble in public places, it is equally important to acknowledge that they restrict the freedom of good
teenagers
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. Ultimately, I firmly believe that strict curfews are not the best solution, and local councils should support young
people
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 through youth clubs and activity
centers
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centres
show examples
instead
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.

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task response
Your view is clear: you think a strict curfew is not the best way. To make your answer stronger, explain more about what a fair rule could look like. For example, say if older teens with work or school needs should have a pass or a later time.
task response
The two main ideas are useful, but the first body part could link more clearly to your own view. You say curfews may make streets safer, then show why this does not fully solve the problem.
task response
Be careful with examples such as Dallas and studies in Criminology. Give a clear source only if you know it is true. If not, use a simple possible example, such as a teen coming home late from a school event.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this strong plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Most links between ideas work well. However, some lines are a little long. Split long lines into two shorter ones so each point is easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few less fixed link phrases, such as “To begin with” and “On the other hand”. You can also link ideas by repeating key words like “curfew”, “safety”, and “freedom” in a natural way.
task response
You answer the question fully and give a clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
Your main points are on topic: safety, crime, work, school events, and freedom.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The ending sums up your view and gives an idea for a better way to help young people.
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