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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Opinions on food are changing rapidly and there are many who believe that everyone should follow a vegetarian diet because it would have a positive impact on our health and the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years, many
people
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 debating over which type of
food
Use synonyms
 is better for human health and the environment.
People
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's beliefs
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 are changing rapidly
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 some believe that
plant
Use synonyms
 based vegetarian
diet
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 is better than non-vegetarian
food
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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this
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 can be
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to the
environmet
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environment
, I partially disagree with
this
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 as many of the nutrients are difficult to consume just with
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
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diet
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are many
people
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 who prefer to eat vegetarian
food
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. Some eat it
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of religious beliefs,
while
Linking Words
 some just prefer it
beause
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because
 of its
tast
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taste
. Vegetarian
food
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 mostly contains ingredients that are derived from
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plant
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plants
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, without harming animals or nature.
This
Linking Words
 is the most common reason
,
Punctuation problem
:
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 many
people
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 turn into vegetarians.
Plant
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food
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 provides the least amount
pf
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of
 harm to our health as it is very easy to digest and cook. Non-vegetarian meals usually
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
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 animal meat or ingredients that come from
them
Correct pronoun usage
animals
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. The process of
accuring
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acquiring
this
Linking Words
 is very disturbing and many times
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the flow of nature. Take
fish
Correct article usage
the fish
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 industry
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 example, it is damaging the ocean,
many
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and many
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 species are on the
verg
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verge
 of extinction.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 who are realising the negative impact that it causes on nature and animals prefer the
convinience
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convenience
 of
plat based
Correct your spelling
plant-based
food
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
eventhough
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even though
 there are many benefits of eating vegetarian
food
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one
Punctuation problem
, one
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things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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that is
Linking Words
 difficult to find is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 all the necessary nutrients. Protein is one of the key ingredients for human
muscles
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muscle
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 growth, which can be found easily in chickens.
Hence
Linking Words
, many
people
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 who do physical activities prefer to add it in their
diet
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. Another
improtant
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important
 ingredient is omega, which can be found in higher
quantiy
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quantities
 in fish, which helps cognitive activities.
Conclusion
In Conclusion, having
non-vegetarian
Correct article usage
a non-vegetarian
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diet
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 is as
importanat
Correct your spelling
important
 as eating
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plant based
Correct your spelling
plant-based
food
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 can be achieved
throught
Correct your spelling
through
 a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
Use synonyms
diet
Punctuation problem
diet,
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 not just
realying
Correct your spelling
relying
 on a
signle
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single
 type of
food
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. Striking a balance is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
vital to help save our environment and to see a positive impact on our health.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. You say you partly disagree, but you do not clearly say if all people should eat only plant food. State that a full plant diet may help the earth, but it may not suit every person.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say why some people may find it hard to get enough protein or omega from plant food, and how this can affect health.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims. Plant food can give protein, and some people can get key food needs from a well planned plant diet. Say that it can be harder for some people, instead of saying the food cannot be found.
task response
Use more direct examples. The fish example is useful, but explain how fishing can harm sea life and why eating less fish may help. You can also give one clear health example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the link from one idea to the next smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main point. Then give an example and explain it before moving to the next point. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'however', 'for example', 'as a result', and 'therefore' can help, but make sure the sentence after each one clearly supports the point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about plant food helping nature. Add a new point, such as land use, water use, or the need for a mixed diet.
task response
You answer both parts of the topic: health and the environment. Your view supports a balanced diet rather than only one type of food.
task response
The example of fishing and sea life is linked to the topic and helps show why food choices can affect nature.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as three parts: an opening, two body parts, and a final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
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