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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In the past, most people spend their entire career working for one company, whereas people nowadays move from one job to another. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each? Which do you think is better?

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Introduction
Formerly, many individuals spend thier whole
path
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apply
show examples
career working for
one
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 company,
whlist
Correct your spelling
while
people
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 nowadays tend to change their jobs frequently from
one
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 company to another. I think that working in
one
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 job is better because workers have enough
time
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 to focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 building relationships and gaining
experiences
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experience
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 in the same field.
Body paragraph 1
On the
one
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 hand, nowadays,
people
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 choose to change their workplaces regularly because they have different options of companies.
This
Linking Words
 leads them to gain experience in different roles and environments.
However
Linking Words
, they do not have enough
time
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 to be dedicated to
build
Wrong verb form
building
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 relationships and gain
one
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 specific work experience
due to
Linking Words
 the
options
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limited number
show examples
 of positions they have.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
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 switch jobs frequently, they can not be specialised in
one
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 specific role.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they can not solve complex problems and make the right decision in some critical situations.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the past, it was difficult to find roles because the market
was lack of
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lacked
 companies and
people
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 had to commit to
one
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 workplace.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 helped them
better
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apply
show examples
to be more customised in a particular position.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is remarkable that the woodworkers and
craftmen
Correct your spelling
craftsmen
 have many skills both socially and professionally.
This
Linking Words
 is because they spend their
time
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to
Change preposition
in
show examples
one
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 position and
one
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 institution.
Conclusion
In conclusion, working in
one
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 corporation with
one
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 specialised skill is much better than changing
environment
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environments
show examples
 and
field
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fields
show examples
 regularly because it has sufficient
time
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 to learn, build relationships, and gain experience.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more even way. You explain why one long job is good, but you give only a short point about why moving jobs can be good. Add clear good and bad points for both choices before you say which is better.
task response
Make your main ideas more exact. For example, changing jobs can give better pay, new skills, and a chance to find work that suits a person. Staying in one company can give job safety, strong work ties, and deep skill. It can also lead to less new learning or lower pay.
task response
Use examples that directly show your point. The example about woodworkers is not very clear and may not fit all jobs. Give a simple example of a worker who stays in one company and gets a hard task or a higher role.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the first main part mixes the good and bad sides of moving jobs. Try one clear plan: first discuss moving jobs, then discuss staying in one company; in each part, give one good point and one bad point.
coherence and cohesion
Link each idea more clearly. After you state a point, explain why it happens and what result it has. For example: “People may learn new skills by moving jobs. This is because each company may use different ways of work. As a result, they can have more choices in the future.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about building ties and getting experience. Use each body part for a different main point, such as pay and new skills in one part, then job safety and deep knowledge in the other.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view in the end: staying in one company is better.
task response
You include both ways of working and give reasons for your choice, such as strong work ties and deep experience.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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