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Writing Samples
Band 4

In the last century, the first man to walk on the moon said it was "a giant leap for mankind”. However, some people think it has made little difference to our daily lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The issue of whether
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 to the
moon
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 make different on
people
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`s lives has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
pepople
Correct your spelling
people
 believe that
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to the
moon
Use synonyms
 is wasting on time,
while
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 others argue that it is benefical idea to go to the
moon
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.
This
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 essay will examine both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that it is
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 step to go to the
moon
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 and it is benefical notion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to the
moon
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 is
useful
Correct article usage
a useful
show examples
 idea argue that it may help
people
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 to live
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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if the
earth
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 destory in the future.
For instance
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,if the
earth
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 is damaged because
the
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of
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 global warming or
any
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for any
show examples
reasons
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other reason
show examples
,
people
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 can live
in
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on
show examples
 the
moon
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 .
In addition
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,there are many strange things
at
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on
show examples
 the
moon
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 ,which
thinks many scinces that
Correct word order
many scientists think
show examples
 may help
people
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.
For example
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,if a man
go
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goes
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 to the
earth
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 and
find
Correct subject-verb agreement
finds
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 a plant,the scince might find the plant
be
Verb problem
to be
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cure
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a cure
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 for diseases.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to the
moon
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 is
wasting
Replace the word
a waste
 of time emphasise that there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 benefits to
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to the
moon
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 and
people
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 should
consertate
Verb problem
concentrate
show examples
 on their work and their families.
For instance
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 ,
people
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 must focus
to how
Correct word order
on how to
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 develop themselves and gain acknowledge about their jobs,so that they can receive a lot of money and provide
easy
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an easy
show examples
 life to their children.
Furthermore
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,many
people
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 think that the government should take care of the problems that impact
on
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apply
show examples
people
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`s lives ,
such
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 as
poverity
Correct your spelling
poverty
 and social problems.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides,I
firmliy
Correct your spelling
firmly
 believe that it is a good idea to go to the
moon
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.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to the
moon
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 can allow
people
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 to live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
moon
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 if there are threating in the
earth
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.

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task response
You answer the question and give your own view. However, make your view clearer from the start: you mostly agree that moon travel has made a difference to daily life, not only that it is a good idea.
task response
Focus on daily life. Your main point about people living on the moon in the future is possible, but it does not show a change in life now. Add real ways space work helps people now, such as weather reports, maps, phones, TV, and new tools.
task response
Explain each idea more fully. For example, say how work from moon trips led to tools or systems that people use at home, at work, or when they travel.
task response
Use examples that are clear and likely. The example about finding a plant on the moon is not well linked to the topic and is not well explained.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph support your main view more closely.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “Moon travel has changed daily life through space tools.” Then give one or two facts and explain them.
coherence and cohesion
Do not spend one full paragraph on the other side if your view is strong. You can mention the cost of moon travel briefly, then explain why its gains are more important.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more natural. Use simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason” when they show a real link.
task response
You discuss both views and clearly state your own view in the start and the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “For instance”, “In addition”, and “Furthermore” to guide the reader.
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