IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, young people are encouraged to take a gap year between finishing high school and starting university to work or travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Nowadays, the youth are motivated to take a year off to
travel
Use synonyms
 around the world or enter the workplace before going to university. I firmly believe that
work
Use synonyms
 can help young people choose a subject, and
travel
Use synonyms
 can help them learn about the world.
Body paragraph 1
The young generation is motivated to take a gap year to
work
Use synonyms
 in distinct places. Trying new workplaces at a young age helps to clarify which degree is the most appropriate. Without gaining
Body paragraph 2
working experience, the students may not know their abilities, leading to future confusion in a
Body paragraph 3
career path.
For instance
Linking Words
, the student who had worked as a shop assistant gained knowledge of
Body paragraph 4
selling goods by communicating with customers,
as a result
Linking Words
, understood his management skills and entered a business subject at an
Body paragraph 5
educational institution.
Body paragraph 6
Other young individuals are inspired to spend a year travelling. Gaining experience through meeting locals, researching new cultures and spots aids in understanding which qualifications students would like to study. A one-year journey
learns
Verb problem
teaches
show examples
 how to live on one’s own,
saves
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 money, get over difficult situations and
grows
Correct subject-verb agreement
grow
show examples
 a strong personality.
Also
Linking Words
, a long-term journey is required to be well-planned
to
Check wording
approach to
show examples
 avoid wasting time and resources.
For example
Linking Words
, students who have explored the world are more likely to choose a tourism field.
However
Linking Words
, some families can't afford to pay for a long journey, so
instead
Linking Words
 they can have short trips.
This
Linking Words
 means a
travel
Use synonyms
 field could be less commonly chosen,
while
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 is a lower-cost gap-year choice.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is often the case that parents inspire their kids to postpone entering university to
work
Use synonyms
 or to
travel
Use synonyms
. I am in favour that
work
Use synonyms
 helps with a job choice,
while
Linking Words
travel
Use synonyms
 helps people grow and learn about other places.

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task response
You clearly agree with the idea and give two main reasons: work can help with a future job, and travel can help young people learn and grow. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why these gains are worth waiting one year before university.
task response
Some ideas are not fully clear. For example, say more about how travel helps a student choose a university subject, not only how it helps a person become strong and live alone.
task response
Your examples fit your main points, but they are very general. Give one more clear detail about what the shop worker learned, or how travel led a student to choose a subject.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep each body part focused on one main idea, then use a simple example and a short final sentence to link back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words like “For example”, “However”, and “In conclusion” help the reader, but make sure the next sentence follows the same idea. The part about family money and short trips needs a clearer link to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not natural. For example, write “A one-year trip teaches young people how to live on their own” instead of “A one-year journey learns how to live on one’s own.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “help” and “choose” too often. You can use simple words such as “show”, “teach”, “guide”, and “find out” to make the flow smoother.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view in the whole essay.
task response
The points about work experience and travel experience are relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to support both main ideas, which helps the reader understand your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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