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Band 6.5

Today, more and more people use robots to do tasks at home and at work. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Why?

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Introduction
In recent years, there has been an ongoing debate regarding whether more and more people use robots to do tasks at home and in the workplace. A group of individuals believes that using machines offers a lot of advantages.
Conversely
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, others argue that it is not a viable solution.
Therefore
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, ahead of my opinion, both views will be discussed
further
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.
Body paragraph 1
Examining the former opinion, the primary argument that supporters would put forward is that the advantages of high-tech , in the same way as the seniors, offer a multitude of benefits that extend far beyond mere convenience and flexibility. Using machines can serve as a means of saving time and increasing efficiency.
This
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 is because individuals can clean up settings
while
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 working, cooking or doing anything. A pivotal aspect to consider is that individuals can have more time for loved ones, friends, and recharge battery after a hectic day. It can be a great way to drive innovation in various industries and improve productivity for companies.
Therefore
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, automation helps businesses create new products, improve processes, and discover more efficient ways of working.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter opinion have their own arguments.
In contrast
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, the negative effects of using automated machines in the workplace or at home should not be underestimated, as they can not only negatively affect employees who are at risk of losing their jobs but
also
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 increase dependence on electronic devices. A pivotal aspect to consider is that employees facing excessive pressure may experience stress, burnout, and anxiety regarding their work, income, and future.
For instance
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, unemployment is currently rising,
while
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 communication problems and the increasing cost of food and other goods are creating additional pressure on employees.
This
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 can lead to poor work-life balance and reduced quality of life.
Moreover
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, reliance on high-tech has led to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reduced physical fitness and a sedentary lifestyle. To illustrate, people who frequently rely on advanced technology may experience a decline in cognitive function and critical-thinking skills.
Conclusion
To conclude
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 and offer my position, there are convincing arguments both for and against using cutting-edge technology at home and at work. It is a double-edged sword, offering immense opportunities for learning
while
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also
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 presenting significant challenges.
However
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, I certainly favour the former.

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task response
State your own view clearly in the introduction. You say both sides will be discussed, but the question asks if this is positive or negative. Say early that you think it is mainly positive, then explain why.
task response
Develop your main reasons with clear, direct details. For example, explain how a robot cleaner saves time for a parent, or how a factory robot can do dangerous work more safely.
task response
Keep examples close to the topic. Rising food costs and general communication problems do not clearly show the effects of robots. Use examples about job loss, robot cost, safety, or less human contact instead.
task response
Make your final view stronger. The last line says you support the first view, but it does not clearly say that robots are a positive development overall.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two main body parts, and an ending. To improve the flow, make each paragraph begin with one simple main idea and support only that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are unclear. For example, the sentence about “the seniors” does not fit the point about high-tech. Remove it or replace it with a clear link to robots.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using the same phrase again and again, such as “A pivotal aspect to consider.” Use simple links like “Also,” “For example,” “However,” and “As a result.”
coherence and cohesion
Use clear words for the same topic. Choose “robots” or “machines” most of the time. Words such as “high-tech,” “advanced technology,” and “cutting-edge technology” can make your meaning less direct.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of robots at home and at work, and you give your own view at the end.
task response
Your positive points about saving time, helping people, and helping firms work better are relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The overall order is easy to follow: introduction, good side, bad side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “Conversely,” “On the contrary,” and “Moreover” to show changes between ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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