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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation Why ? what could be the disadvantage of being self-employed ?

#people #work #company #organisation
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It is thought that today's generation is inclined to
work
Use synonyms
 for themselves over enterprises
due to
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 unlimited revenues which always have a strict ceiling at a myriad of companies
along with
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 meticulous
work
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 culture that can be avoided by working on themselves
whereas
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 entrepreneurs
also
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 face adverse impediments
such
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 as time management. I am firmly convinced that those shortcomings of being a company worker stand as overwhelming evidence for
people
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 to opt for being self-occupied. On the one hand,
hence
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 to the loads of past financial crises and potential economic instability in years ahead,
people
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 are drained, and eager to possess a stable job to maintain their families and not worry about upcoming days.
For instance
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, Sweden reflects the most tranquil working system, where
people
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 are saved from overworking, being unpaid, and opposed.
Thus
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, whatever financial collapse would be,
this
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 country could overcome it since it is the part of the EU that has a centralized and unified economy. Having a company
work
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 obliges individuals to adhere to working guidelines that can pose a critical disadvantage.
This
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 case can be revealingly seen in Asian
work
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 cultures
such
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 as Korea and Japan, where
people
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 need to abide by not only working environment
behavior
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behaviour
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 but to tiptoe around their bosses.
On the other hand
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, working on
people
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's own is a tough and demanding obligation.
Moreover
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, setbacks
such
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 as whether to schedule or to be reliable for everything can be a real problem.
For example
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, an array of self-employed
people
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 state that they feel lethargy over many things holding on their shoulders primarily because those individuals who picked
this
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 path are the heads of their own companies metaphorically.
As a result
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, lots of entrepreneurs burn out and have mental disorders. To recap the aforementioned, I profoundly comprehend the trend of
people
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's transition to being self-employed
due to
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 the more beneficial merits
such
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 as higher salary and their independence.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear and complete response to the prompt, addressing both reasons for self-employment and its potential disadvantages. Incorporate more detailed examples to strengthen your points, particularly in the section discussing self-employment challenges.
coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, improve coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and clearer connections between sentences.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion neatly encapsulates the main points presented.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant points for why people choose self-employment and potential challenges they face.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • work-life balance
  • earning potential
  • job satisfaction
  • financial risk
  • irregular income
  • job security
  • financial instability
  • benefits
  • health insurance
  • paid leave
  • retirement plans
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