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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time, but fail to do so. What are the reasons of this failure? What are the possible solutions?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Induviduals
Correct your spelling
Individuals
 who seek for a succefull careers tend to be careless with their personal
life
Use synonyms
. Several studies
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 shown that having a
balance
Use synonyms
beteween
Correct your spelling
between
 professional
growed
Replace the word
growth
 and happy
families
Use synonyms
requered
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 a huge effort nowadays
due to
Linking Words
 many jobs in the
21
Replace the word
21st
 century
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 become remote
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
education
Check wording
accessibility of education
show examples
accesibility
Check wording
apply
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has
been increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 the
opportinities
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opportunities
 to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skills by studing master or
Phd
Change the punctuation
PhD
show examples
 in order to
maintan
Correct your spelling
maintain
 a successful career.
Body paragraph 1
After the pandemic during the covid 19, the way that individuals
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 has
chenged
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changed
 dramatically, many jobs that used to be office base, has became remote, allowing the workers to
performe
Correct your spelling
perform
 their duties from home rather
in
Correct word choice
than in
show examples
 the office. Even
thought
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though
show examples
this
Linking Words
swich
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switch
 sounds
adventuos
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adventurous
, workers tend to keep working after working hours
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
afect directly their family
Correct word order
affects their family directly
show examples
 because the
time
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 that they used to
speed
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 with their
families
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became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 less
that
Use the right word
than
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 it used to be.
This
Linking Words
 change creates a huge impact not only
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their children but
also
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the parnets
life
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the education
accesibility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 allows
induvidual
Correct your spelling
individuals
 to study more
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the
time
Use synonyms
 that
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 dedicate
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their careers rather than play with their children.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the real problem is the lack of
balance
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 between these two important
aspectes
Correct your spelling
aspects
 in
life
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.
Body paragraph 2
It is highly
recommenden
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recommended
 to try to
organize
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
 the
time
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 better to keep
balance
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal
life
Use synonyms
 and career goals by
schedule
Wrong verb form
scheduling
show examples
 their job duties to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
managment
Correct your spelling
management
 in order to keep their role in their
families
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.
another suggestiong
Correct your spelling
Another suggestion
 is
fill
Verb problem
to fill
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a sports or weekly
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 with their children to spend
time
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 with them.
Conclusion
Having a
succefull
Correct your spelling
successful
 career and
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
Use synonyms
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
 is a big challenge
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, both aspects are
indispensables
Replace the word
indispensable
 in
the individuals wellbeing
Correct word order
an individual's well-being, as the lack
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the lake of one of
those aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
these aspects
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 may have a
hugh
Correct your spelling
huge
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
 and thefore in their happiness.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. State the main reasons clearly: long work time, work at home, and more study. Then give clear solutions for each reason.
task response
Develop each idea with a simple example. For example, a parent may answer work calls at night and miss dinner or play time with children.
task response
Make the solutions more complete. Say who can help: workers can set work hours, families can plan time together, and jobs can stop calls after work time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first paragraph shorter and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph can explain reasons, and the second can explain solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of ideas: First, Also, As a result, For example, However, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between problem and solution stronger. After each problem, show how the suggested action can help family time.
task response
You discuss both the reasons for the problem and possible ways to solve it.
task response
Your ideas about work at home, study, and time with children are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is organised into clear paragraphs, with an introduction, main discussion, solutions, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “On the other hand” and “Therefore”, to connect ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balance
  • career
  • family
  • time
  • plan
  • limits
  • hours
  • work
  • home
  • kids
  • partner
  • talk
  • goal
  • help
  • support
  • say no
  • ask for help
  • job
  • leave
  • money
  • boss
  • share chores
  • health
  • sleep
  • progress
  • step
  • family time
  • decision
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