IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the last century, the first man to walk on the moon said it was "a giant leap for mankind”. However, some people think it has made little difference to our daily lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In the
last
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 century, the first man to walk on the
moon
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 considered it a significant
achievement
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 for mankind,
while
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 some argue that it has had a limited impact on
people
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's daily
lives
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.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 idea, and I firmly believe that
this
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achievement
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 has contributed significantly to
people
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's development in different aspects of their
lives
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.
Body paragraph 1
One of the positive impacts of walking on the
moon
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 is that it encouraged
scientists
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 to conduct
further
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 research into space, leading to numerous technological innovations, including
satellites
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.
Satellites
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 have allowed
people
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 to access information worldwide through their televisions and smartphones from the comfort of their homes.
As a result
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, these technologies have made
people
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's
lives
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 more convenient and enjoyable.
For instance
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, weather prediction
satellites
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 have enabled individuals to become informed of weather conditions, which helps them plan their daily tasks more easily
while
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 enabling them to pursue entertainment associated with weather conditions.
Thus
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, walking on the
moon
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 has played a significant role in
people
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's personal
lives
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.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, the
achievement
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 has created unique opportunities for
scientists
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 to investigate the possibility of life on other planets.
This
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 has enabled
scientists
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 to gather detailed information about planetary atmospheres and monitor environmental changes on Earth.
This
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 has led to measures aiming at reducing the consumption of fossil fuels in order to decrease carbon emissions.
For example
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, specialised
satellites
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 can provide information about air pollution in different parts of the world.
This
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 enables
scientists
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 and authorities to identify heavily polluted areas and take appropriate measures, ultimately helping to protect
people
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's health.
Thus
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, the
achievement
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 has indirectly and directly influenced
people
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's
lives
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, from my perspective, walking on the
moon
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 was more likely to be a giant leap for mankind, as it has given rise to remarkable innovations, including
satellites
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 and scientific achievements, affecting
people
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's personal and professional
lives
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.
Therefore
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, I disagree with the idea.

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task response
Make the link to the main question more direct. Explain more clearly how each space result changed the daily life of ordinary people, not only the work of scientists.
task response
Your second main point is useful, but the link from moon travel to cuts in fossil fuel use is a little too fast. Add one or two steps to show how space data leads to action by people or leaders.
task response
You answer the question well and give a clear view. To make the answer even stronger, you could briefly accept that the moon walk did not change every home at once, then show why its later effects still matter.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Thus” work, but the last line of each main part could say more exactly how the example proves your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat words such as “people's lives” and “achievement.” Use simple other words like “daily life,” “this event,” or “this work” to make the flow smoother.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view through the whole essay.
task response
Your examples about weather reports, phones, and air pollution are relevant and help show real effects on daily life.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear main idea, followed by an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending clearly frame the essay, and the order of ideas is easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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