IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe university education should be free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In recent years, the rising cost of
education
Use synonyms
 has become an increasingly important issue.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that students should pay their tuition fee based on their
economical
Replace the word
economic
 background, others believe that more benefits will be gained if it
completely
Verb problem
is completely
show examples
 free. I fully agree that providing free
education
Use synonyms
 will give rise to equality among
people
Use synonyms
 and
nations
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 prosperity
in
Change preposition
of nations in
show examples
 the long run.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, providing free university
education
Use synonyms
 for everyone
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 a massive amount of money, which
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
will certainly weighting the government expenditure, particularly in developing countries. They had
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 budget to spend
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Meanwhile, universities
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to improve their academic and facilities quality to attract
people
Use synonyms
 to come.
As a result
Linking Words
, some universities
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to collect tuition fees from their students based on their
economical
Replace the word
economic
 background to support daily academic activities and university development, the
richest
Replace the word
richer
 they are, the more
expensive
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they pay.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, providing full
scholarship
Check wording
scholarships
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university students will pave the way for
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
 equality among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizens.
People
Use synonyms
 from middle
low
Correct word choice
and low
show examples
 income will no longer
restricted
Verb problem
be restricted
show examples
 by their financial problems to gain higher
education
Use synonyms
, they will be granted similar opportunities through the free-
education
Use synonyms
 programs
subsidies
Replace the word
subsidised
 by the government.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 gaining
hight
Correct your spelling
higher
Use synonyms
education
Punctuation problem
education,
show examples
will increase
Correct word order
apply
show examples
the availability of specialized workforce
.
Verb problem
will increase.
show examples
 In
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 run, it should
affecting to
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 economic improvement in that country.
Conclusion
To
summarize
Change the spelling
summarise
show examples
, implementing free
education
Use synonyms
 might
be had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 several challenges
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent.
However
Linking Words
, with the right regulations from the
authorities
Add a comma
authorities,
show examples
 I firmly believe that free
education
Use synonyms
 will bring prosperity for everyone.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: you agree that university should be free. However, explain your reasons more fully. Show how free study can help one person, a family, and the country.
task response
The first main part does not fully support your view. It says free study costs a lot, but it then says schools should charge rich students. Make clear that this is a problem that the government can solve, not your main plan.
task response
Use one clear, real-like example. For example, a young person from a low-income home may become a nurse or teacher after free university study. This would make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas need clearer detail. Explain where the money may come from, such as tax paid by high-income people, or a plan where only public universities are free.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. This is a good base. Make each main part begin with one clear point, then explain it, and then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more carefully. Some long sentences join many points with commas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links in a more exact way: “However” for an opposite point, “For example” for an example, and “As a result” only for a result. This will make the flow clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. For example, choose “free university education” and use it throughout, rather than moving between “free education”, “full scholarship”, and “subsidies” when you mean the same thing.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view from the start to the end.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: equal chance for low-income students and more skilled workers for the country.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Moreover”, and “To summarize”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
What to do next:
Look at other essays: