IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As global trade increases, many goods including those we use on daily basis are produced in another country and have to be transported long distances . Do benefits of this trend outweigh disadvantages

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
It has become increasingly common for regularly used items to be transported from one part of the world to another through international trade.
Although
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this
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 development offers certain benefits, I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, primarily because it leads to environmental degradation and increased competition for local businesses.
Body paragraph 1
One drawback of
this
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 trend is that it contributes to environmental pollution.
This
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 is because transportation over long distances consumes large amounts of non-renewable energy
resources
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.
As a result
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, it leads to the depletion of these limited
resources
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 and
also
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 releases pollutants into the air, leading to air pollution.
Consequently
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, it can cause health issues and reduce the availability of non-renewable
resources
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.
For example
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, a big truck needs diesel to travel. Transporting goods requires either road or air transportation, both of which require fuel to operate. Long distances mean greater fuel consumption.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that one advantage of importing goods from other countries is that it increases their availability to people. The primary reason is that a variety of everyday goods will be easily available.
This
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 is because of their importation.
For example
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, even though fresh produce is grown in Canada, the importation of fresh fruits and vegetables from other countries will increase their supply and reduce their cost.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 there is a benefit in terms of the availability of regularly used items, I believe that the disadvantages of importing items outweigh the advantages because it can degrade the environment and deplete non-renewable energy
resources
Use synonyms

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Task response
Make your main view more direct in the first part. Say clearly that the bad points are stronger than the good points, and name both main bad points there.
Task response
The essay says that local firms face more competition, but this point is not explained in the body. Add a full paragraph about it, or do not use it in the first and last parts.
Task response
Give a fuller reason why the good point is less important. For example, more choice and lower prices are useful, but they may not be worth the harm to air and fuel use.
Task response
Use one more clear, real-world example. You could explain how food sent by plane or truck over a long way adds more smoke to the air.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this plan, but give each body paragraph one main point only.
Coherence and cohesion
The first body part repeats the same idea about fuel use several times. Join these ideas and then add a new point, such as harm to local shops.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links with a clear job. Words such as 'because', 'therefore', and 'for example' are used well, but do not use too many result links in one short part.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas match the final view. If there are two bad points and one good point, show both bad points in the body before the end.
Task response
You answer the question and give a clear view that the bad points are greater than the good points.
Task response
The point about more food choice and lower cost is on-topic and easy to understand.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, with a clear first part, body parts, and final part.
Coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words, such as 'although', 'as a result', 'for example', and 'in conclusion'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global trade
  • economic growth
  • specialization
  • efficient resource use
  • variety of products
  • consumers
  • accessibility
  • standard of living
  • economies of scale
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental damage
  • importation
  • quality standards
  • local industries
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