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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is it better to work in a team or work alone? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, because of the complexity of life
a
Punctuation problem
, a
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new issue has arisen
:
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:
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 is it better to
work
Use synonyms
 in a
team
Use synonyms
 or
work
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 alone? I believe that working in a
team
Use synonyms
 is better than
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 alone because the
mentions
Check wording
members
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 depend on ability, performance, and intelligence.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, working in a
team
Use synonyms
 environment
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 high group productivity. It is obvious through multiple tasks, different suggestions, and
time
Correct article usage
the time
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 required for each task.
This
Linking Words
 is because
the
Change preposition
of the
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 discussions and meetings between the members of
group
Correct article usage
the group
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.
For example
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, at our
center
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centre
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 called the 14
center
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centre
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 for Health Care Service, we addressed a major issue about arranging our
prescription
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prescriptions
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 to
filing
Wrong verb form
file
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 them properly
way
Rephrase
apply
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in a cabinet.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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working in a
team
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create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 some kind of enthusiastic and supportive environment
between
Change preposition
among
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 each member. From my perspective, working in a
team
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is better in a firm include 2
member and
Correct word choice
or
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 more
.
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members.
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Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, working alone reflects your own performance in
limit result
Replace the word
limited results
 and that
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 some
defect
Fix the agreement mistake
defects
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 in our results in future.
In other words
Linking Words
, it requires more time to manage the issues that we have, despite the low budget requirements in the beginning.
For instance
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, at our center one of
staff
Correct article usage
the staff
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decided
Check wording
members decided
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 to record all vaccines in his own,
as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 create some deficit in
supply
Correct article usage
the supply
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the
Change preposition
of
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 medicine to other patients. Because it took
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
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one
Correct determiner usage
apply
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hour to finish. From my point of view, working alone is required
in
Change preposition
on
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 rare
occasion
Check wording
occasions
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,
such
Linking Words
 as driving.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both hands show
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 aspect of
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 pattern.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that each firm should have HR resources to
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 whether the employer needs to
work
Use synonyms
 alone or in a
team
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Discuss both sides more fairly. The team paragraph is stronger, but the working-alone paragraph mostly lists problems. Add clear good points of working alone, such as faster choices, full control, and less time in meetings.
task response
Make your opinion clear in the first paragraph and repeat it in the last paragraph. Your last paragraph says that each work place should choose, which sounds less clear than your earlier view that team work is better.
task response
Explain your main ideas with simple cause-and-effect links. For example, say how different skills in a team help solve a hard problem, and how one person can finish a small task faster alone.
task response
Use examples that are easy to follow. In the vaccine example, explain what the worker did, what went wrong, and why team work would have helped.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, benefits of team work, benefits of working alone, and conclusion. This will make the answer easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “Working in a team can improve the quality of work.” Then give reasons and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Avoid using “Therefore” when the next sentence does not clearly follow from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each sentence. Some sentences are hard to understand because several ideas are joined without clear links. Shorter sentences will improve the flow.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear view that team work is usually better.
task response
You use real work examples, which makes your ideas more personal and meaningful.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
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