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Band 5.5

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Introduction
In recent years, studying abroad has become increasingly common.
Although
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this
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 development has certain advantages, it
also
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 has some disadvantages.
This
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 essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks associated with
this
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 trend.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several advantages associated with pursuing a university degree in another
country
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. One notable benefit of
this
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 growing trend is that it helps the host
country
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 to become economically stronger.
This
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 is because international
students
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 pay more tuition fees
as compared to
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 local
students
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.
For example
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,
while
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 foreign
students
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 pay around $8,000 in tuition fees per semester at a Canadian university, local
students
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 pay only $4,000 per semester. So, basically, it is more than double the amount of local
students
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' fees.
As a result
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,
students
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 from another
country
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 play a vital role in the economic growth of the host
country
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.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant advantage is related to
students
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 getting experience.
This
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 is particularly important for them because international university graduates get valuable experience with a different culture and living independently.
Moreover
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, they get an opportunity to learn another language that will be helpful for them in the future.
Therefore
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, studying abroad is beneficial for graduates.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, there are certain drawbacks associated with
this
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 new trend. One is homesick among international
students
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.They miss their families on special occasions
such
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 as birthdays and festivals.
For example
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, even though they want to go back to their
country
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 for a change during their break time, they cannot because
can
Correct pronoun usage
they can
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 not afford
buying
Wrong verb form
to buy
show examples
 air tickets.
Consequently
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, they
some times
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sometimes
 feel lonely and depressed in a new
country
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 without their family and friends' support.
Body paragraph 4
Another disadvantage is the financial burden on international
students
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 and their parents.
This
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 is mainly because currency rates are different in their countries.
For instance
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, Canadian
students
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 studying in America are paying in American dollars, which are higher in value than Canadian dollars.
As a result
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, sometimes either parents or
students
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 have to work hard to pay these expenses.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 pursuing a degree abroad offers certain benefits,
such
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 as
students
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 getting new experiences and the host
country
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 becoming economically stronger, it
also
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 has some drawbacks, particularly feeling homesick and the financial burden on
students
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 and their families.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question and give two good points on each side. To improve, explain more clearly how study abroad helps the student, not only the host country.
task response
Some examples are useful, but the fee example feels very exact and may not be true for all schools. Use a more general example, or explain the point more.
task response
Make the first main point more direct. Say that foreign students bring money to schools and local business, then show how this can help the country.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion. Each paragraph has one main idea, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” are used well, but some ideas need a smoother link inside the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same subject in each paragraph. In the first good-point paragraph, move from students to the host country more clearly, so the reader can follow the focus.
coherence and cohesion
Check small spacing and word-form problems because they can break the flow: “students.They”, “can not”, and “some times” should be written correctly.
task response
You give a full response by covering both the good and bad sides of studying abroad.
task response
Your ideas are relevant: money for the host country, new life and culture, missing family, and high costs.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly says that the essay will discuss both sides, and the conclusion brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Clear topic sentences help the reader understand the purpose of each paragraph.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural awareness
  • adaptability
  • academic opportunities
  • specialized programs
  • prestigious courses
  • language proficiency
  • professional network
  • globalized job market
  • personal development
  • independence
  • life skills
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