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Band 6

In many countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from stress in their daily lives. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to reduce stress?

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Introduction
In recent years, individuals have been suffering from
stress
Use synonyms
 in their daily lives.
This
Linking Words
 problem is mainly caused by a busy schedule and
work
Use synonyms
 overload. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, some effective measures have been implemented ,
such
Linking Words
 as regular exercise.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the main reason why people are suffering from
stress
Use synonyms
 problems is their hectic schedule. Most individuals
work
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 5 to 6 days per week from morning to late at night. They have pending tasks, which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to be finished in certain deadline. Apart from that, they may have to plan and prepare for their upcoming meetings and future tasks.
For example
Linking Words
, an employee who works 9 am to 5 pm in the office and he or she still has to finish their
work
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 after working hours to satisfy their boss's expectations
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
As a result
Linking Words
, they have that mental pressure to complete their
work
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, which ultimately causes
stress
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.
Body paragraph 2
To address
this
Linking Words
 issue, working out daily may help reduce
stress
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 at
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
level
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. Individuals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who exercise daily have better mood and energy
level
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.
According to
Linking Words
 a study, when people
work
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 out daily, their cortisol
level
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 drops, which is a
stress
Use synonyms
 hormone and relax your mind.
For example
Linking Words
, an employee who runs or weight lift daily has better focus and feels less mental fatigue.
As a result
Linking Words
, they spend their day very energetically with less
stress
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, having a busy schedule can cause an increase in
stress
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 but
this
Linking Words
 can be solved by exercising daily ,
such
Linking Words
 as running, jogging or weight lifting.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain not only long work hours, but also why people cannot rest after work, such as money needs, phone messages, or fear of losing a job.
task response
Give more than one way to reduce stress. Daily exercise is useful, but add steps from workers, bosses, and the state, such as shorter hours, clear time off, and help at work.
task response
Make each example more real and clear. For example, show how a boss can stop staff from doing work calls at night, so they have time for sleep and family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: cause, then answer, then ending. Keep this plan, but use a clearer topic sentence at the start of each main part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words in a more exact way. Use words such as “because”, “therefore”, “however”, and “for this reason” to show the link between work pressure and stress.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Break them into two or three short sentences, especially in the first main part. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same point of view in examples. Instead of “an employee ... and he or she”, write “an employee may work from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. but may still need to finish tasks at home.”
task response
You answer both questions by giving a main cause and a clear way to reduce stress.
task response
The work example is relevant and helps show how long hours can lead to mental pressure.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states the main cause and the main answer.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part stays on one central idea, and the conclusion returns to the key points.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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