Buying things online on the internet such as boo, air tickets and groceries is s becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of this way outweigh the disadvantages.

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Introduction
Nowadays, people prefer to purchase
things
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online rather than in
person
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,
for example
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, booking flight tickets
,
Correct word choice
and
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buying food.
This
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essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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trend.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, purchasing
things
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online is becoming common in
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
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present era.
Due to
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it is convenient to some
person
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who get busy life.
For instance
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, a doctor has to work a full day
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apply
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while
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, and sometimes they need to work at night time it difficult for them to obtain stuff that they want.
In addition
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, booking tickets online could help prevent mistakes about your own information.
Moreover
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, on the internet, it will provide promotions or discounts to those who steal
earlier
Rephrase
early
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some individuals still want to buy the stuff
in individual
Replace the word
individually
. The reason is them could look and choose by themselves because some
things
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are better to buy in
person
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. One example like vegetable or a fruit.
Furthermore
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, booking a flight online is hard for older people to put in their details, leads to it hard to understand a lot of information on the internet.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both sides will help a lot of people to resolve the problem that they have.
However
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, the best method depends on who prefers and is comfortable purchasing
things
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on the internet or buying in
person
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.

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task response
Give a clear answer to the main question in the first paragraph. Say if the good points are more important than the bad points, and keep this view to the end.
task response
Develop each main point more. For example, explain how online shopping saves time, then show why this is more important than not seeing fruit or vegetables before buying them.
task response
Use more exact examples. The doctor example is useful, but explain what the doctor buys online and how this helps. For older people, explain what help they may need when they book a flight.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Make the links between ideas smoother with simple words such as “because”, “so”, “however”, and “for example”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, talk about time and ease. In the second, talk about being able to see goods and problems for older people.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph stronger. Do not only say that it depends on the person. State which side is better overall and give one short reason.
task response
You discuss both online buying and buying in shops, and your ideas are connected to the topic.
task response
The doctor, food, and flight ticket examples are useful and help show your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signpost phrases such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenient
  • popular
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • effort
  • variety
  • comparison
  • price
  • delivery
  • reviews
  • purchase
  • online
  • shop
  • goods
  • ease
  • customers
  • choice
  • easy
  • homes
  • stores
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