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Band 6.5

today, more and more people use robots to do tasks at home and at work. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Why?

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Introduction
As society evolves, there has been an ongoing debate regarding whether
robots
Use synonyms
 would be highly beneficial for people to use them to do homework or in the workplace. A group of individuals believe that cutting-edge technology may have a crucial part in personal lives, namely online work or communication,
besides
Linking Words
 helping everyone with daily activities. Others claim that technological advances may place pressure on sedentary lifestyles and healthcare problems.
Therefore
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, ahead of my opinion, I believe that they can bring a variety of benefits for humans.
Body paragraph 1
On the positive side, a major advantage of high-tech
devices
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 is that they can serve as a means of automated systems. They can replace humans by performing repetitive tasks continuously without feeling monotonous or losing concentration, which can increase productivity.
For instance
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, many factories nowadays are using
robots
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 to do dangerous activities and avoid serious incidents in manufacturing processes. A pivotal aspect to consider is that robotic vacuum cleaners or other smart
devices
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 are capable of saving people a considerable amount of time or physical health.
Consequently
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, they can support us by cleaning the house or washing the dishes, which helps society have more time to spend with their family members or friends.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary
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, high-tech may
also
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 have some detrimental consequences in real life. Advanced technology in the future can play an important role in losing jobs or health issues.
This
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 occurs because a vast majority of companies are now requiring robotic
devices
Use synonyms
 in workplaces to produce products quickly and accurately, leading to the replacement of some low-skilled workers and job displacement. Another compelling factor is that excessive use of
robots
Use synonyms
 can make people become over-reliant on them, create bad habits and become lazy in daily life. To illustrate, residents are more focused on digital
devices
Use synonyms
, creating
their
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 sedentary lifestyle, potentially leading to affect to healthcare problems,
such
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 as obesity or sore eyes
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 technological development may influence people’s lives, generate significantly pressing in emotional well-being or physical fitness. These technologies may
also
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 bring many more merits on works or daily life. I firmly believe that the development of
robots
Use synonyms
 would be better for everybody in workplaces.

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task response
State your own view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that robots are mainly a good change, then keep this same view to the end.
task response
Give more detail about why the good points are stronger than the bad points. For example, explain how robots can make work safer and give people more free time.
task response
The bad side is relevant, but some ideas need clearer links. Explain who may lose jobs, and say what people, firms, or the state can do to help them find new work.
task response
Use more exact examples. Your factory and home robot examples are good, but add one clear result for each example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: start, good side, bad side, and end. Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make some links smoother. For example, do not move from robots to online work and communication in the first paragraph, as these are not the main topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Phrases such as "On the positive side" and "On the contrary" are helpful, but make sure the next sentence directly supports the point.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph simpler and clearer. It should repeat your main view and the two best reasons, without new or unclear ideas about emotional health.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with many ideas. Shorter sentences will make your meaning easier to follow, especially in the last two paragraphs.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear general view that robots can help people.
task response
You use useful examples from factories and homes, which make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
The main body is easy to follow because you discuss good points in one paragraph and bad points in the next.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signpost words, such as "For instance", "Consequently", and "In conclusion".
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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