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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of people employed in four different industries in a country between 1990 and 2010

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The chart below shows the number of people employed in four different industries in a country between 1990 and 2010
The bar chart compares four different industries in terms of the number of people
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 each of them.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the number of people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
employed saw an increase in both service and construction,
the
Correct word choice
but the
show examples
 opposite is true for agriculture.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the figure for manufacturing witnessed a fluctuation during a period. It can clearly be seen that employed individuals were the highest at 300
million
Use synonyms
 in 1980 before reaching a peak of almost 650
million
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of year. Meanwhile, the figure for construction rose considerably from 200
million
Use synonyms
 to 400
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
By contrast
Linking Words
, employed humans were the
most
Rephrase
apply
show examples
highest at the first year during 600
million
Use synonyms
 employment before falling
200
Change preposition
to 200
show examples
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for manufacturing
fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 slightly
increased
Wrong verb form
, increasing
show examples
 by about 450
million
Use synonyms
 from its initial 400
million
Use synonyms
 in 1980. It
then
Linking Words
 experienced a gradual decline from 450 to 360
million
Use synonyms
 by the end of the period.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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