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Writing Samples
Band 5

An increasing number of schools provide tablets and laptop computers for students to use in school, replacing books and other printed materials like exams and assignments. What is the advantages and disadvantages?

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Introduction
One of the most debated issues in modern society is whether
schools
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 should provide
children
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 with digital devices to support their learning.
While
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 some people argue that it is reasonable that
students
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 use digital tools, as
technology
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 has continued to develop, and
Use synonyms
school
Correct subject-verb agreement
schools
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 have a responsibility to help
students
Use synonyms
 adapt to modern society by learning cutting-edge
technology
Use synonyms
, I hold that
such
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 a trend can play a detrimental role in young people's daily life.
Body paragraph 1
Indeed, it is understandable that public education should incorporate cutting-edge
technology
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 into the classroom. One of the primary reasons is that educational online platforms enable
students
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 to keep motivated to study and learn new knowledge through a range of attractive features,
such
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 as video clips and quiz games.
This
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 can help maintain
children
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's attention.
Such
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engaging
Correct article usage
an engaging
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 online resource can encourage
children
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 to increase
attention
Correct determiner usage
their attention
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 span and learn difficuit concept with images and short video clips. Beyond that, teachers can reduce their pressure to create
everyday
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
different educational materials and interesting teaching methods
.
Rephrase
every day.
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Therefore
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, using
technology
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 in
schools
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 can provide a range of benefits for
students
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 and teachers.
Body paragraph 2
Although
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 I acknowledge the aforementioned argument, I am of the opinion that
children
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 might lose
their
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apply
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control of
online
Correct determiner usage
their online
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 screen time. Since teenagers have not fully developed their self-discipline and sense of control, they might be obsessed with
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of digital
device
Check wording
devices
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 without strict regulation.
Moreover
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, if teenagers used devices on a daily basis in
school
Use synonyms
, they would probably struggle
to
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with
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 internet addiction, since they might use
lapto
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laptops
 and tablets in
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schools
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school
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 and
home
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at home
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 without any
bounderies
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boundaries
.
Such
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 a trend might
can
Verb problem
apply
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lead to depression and isolation as they are likely to think that building
connection
Check wording
connections
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 with others and group projects in person can be more difficult than doing homework on their own.
Consequencely
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Consequently
, using
technology
Use synonyms
 in
school
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need
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needs
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 a strict restriction to prevent
students
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 from
degitial
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digital
 addiction and mental health issues.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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schools
Use synonyms
 might think
utiling
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utilising
technology
Use synonyms
 in
school
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 can enable
students
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 to study more efficiently, I hold that governments and education providers should be mindful that young people need appropriate online regulation under adult's supervison.
Overall
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, it is important to strike a balance between using
useful
Correct article usage
a useful
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 educational platform under
eductors'
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educators'
guidence
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guidance
.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Give clear good points and clear bad points. Your view is clear, but the good side needs more detail.
task response
Use one real school example. For example, tablets can let a science class watch a short video of an experiment, then do a quiz. This makes the point stronger.
task response
Develop the bad side with a clearer link to school use. Explain that rules, blocked sites, and teacher control can limit screen time, so the reader can see why the risk may still be serious.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and make the first sentence show that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not fully clear. Use simple links such as “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “In addition” only when they show the real link.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea again in the last paragraph. The ending should briefly sum up the two sides and restate your main view in new words.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence control, as some errors make the meaning less clear. For example, write “schools have”, “online resources”, “difficult concepts”, “digital devices”, and “need strict rules”.
task response
You give both advantages and disadvantages, and your main view is easy to find.
task response
Your points about fun learning tools, teacher time, screen use, and mental health are on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraphs, and the conclusion returns to the main idea of adult control.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “While”, “Although”, and “Moreover” to guide the reader.
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