IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Economic progress is one way to measure the success of a country, while some people think there are other factors. What other factors should be considered? Within these factors, do you think anything is more important than economic progress?

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Many countries consider economic progress to be the leading factor in indicating their success,
while
Linking Words
 there are more factors that are considered in highly developed countries,
such
Linking Words
 as educational level, government policies, and infrastructure. Out of these contributors, I believe that the provision of welfare systems is the most significant.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, one of the main factors of a highly developed
country
Use synonyms
 is a high-quality education system. After finishing their well-rounded education and training in school, companies and governments can recruit intelligent and well-educated students to develop a qualified and skilled workforce.
This
Linking Words
 cycle allows workers to contribute their professional skills and abilities to improve economic development and boost productivity.
Besides
Linking Words
, providing regular free health check-ups for the public can
also
Linking Words
 foster residents’ healthy lifestyles.
This
Linking Words
 policy can bring about beneficial results, leading to healthier populations that support the
country
Use synonyms
’s development.
Body paragraph 2
Another indicator is
well-developed
Correct article usage
a well-developed
show examples
 infrastructure in cities and rural areas. When people can use public amenities, transportation, and open spaces,
such
Linking Words
 as public gardens and parks, regardless of location, citizens may live a high-quality life and experience satisfaction with their
country
Use synonyms
, which is highly linked to a
country
Use synonyms
’s success.
Hence
Linking Words
, governments in successful countries evenly distribute tax funding to develop both rural and urban areas and reduce the gap.
As a result
Linking Words
, people are
also
Linking Words
 willing to move and live in the countryside
instead
Linking Words
 of being fully packed in cities that create intense competition.
Body paragraph 3
Among the factors that are considered to define a well-developed
country
Use synonyms
, I believe that the provision of welfare systems is of the utmost importance. In fact, social safety nets are highly correlated with a high score on the World Happiness Index. In social democratic societies in Northern Europe,
such
Linking Words
 as Iceland and Finland, the government spends tax money to provide affordable education and healthcare, paid leave, well-developed facilities, and retirement funding.
As a result
Linking Words
, citizens are more likely to be family-oriented, maintain a healthy work-life balance, and be more satisfied with their lives.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are various indicators that are considered when defining a well-developed
country
Use synonyms
, including advanced infrastructure, policies, and educational equality. I believe that the most important factor is high-quality security nets, as government tax revenue can be used effectively in increasing the life satisfaction of a populace.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the first question more fully. You name education, health, roads, and welfare, but you should say more clearly why each one shows that a country is doing well, not only how it can help the economy.
task response
Keep the key idea the same from start to end. The essay says welfare is most important, but the last line calls it “security nets”. Use one clear name, such as “welfare systems”, throughout.
task response
Your example of Finland and Iceland is useful. Make the link to the main point clearer: explain that good health care, school help, and old-age help mean people can live safe and good lives even when money growth is slow.
coherence and cohesion
The four-part plan is clear: start, two main points, your view, and end. To make it even clearer, make the first body part only about education and health, or give health its own part.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are a little too long. For example, the education part moves from school to jobs to economic growth. Add a short line that brings it back to national success, such as “This also makes life better for people.”
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words, but do not rely too much on “As a result” and “Besides”. Try simple links such as “Also”, “For this reason”, and “This means” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part has a good main idea, but the point about people moving to the countryside needs a clearer link. Explain that equal services in both places make this move possible and reduce pressure on big cities.
task response
You give a clear answer to both parts: you name other ways to judge a country and state that welfare systems matter most.
task response
The essay uses real and useful examples, especially the reference to Northern European countries and public support for health, school, and old age.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear focus, and the order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending work well together. The ending restates your main view and brings the essay to a clear close.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: