IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Taking risks in both professional and personal life is important. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Sometimes, life requires people to take risks in order to progress on both professional and personal levels.
Nevertheless
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, the crucial question remains whether
this
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 growth is worth the potential risk. Personally, I believe that the advantages that will be gained outweigh the disadvantages. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my opinion and support
this
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 view with some relevant examples.
To begin
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 with, I will take the stock market as an example. Stock markets are always challenging as their prices are volatile, and most of the time require prompt
decisions
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 to seize the opportunities.
Therefore
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, most business firms and banks have platforms which connect entrepreneurs and investors with the international markets and provide them with market trends, which enable them to plan and make informed financial
decisions
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.
Although
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 the stock market is unstable, it provides significant profits if the financial
decisions
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 are carefully considered.
This
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 example demonstrates how the benefits of embracing uncertainty in investment can lead to financial growth and outweigh the possible loss. Another common example is job offers. It is one of the common real-world examples of uncertain choice. Most recruiting companies offer job opportunities and give candidates strict deadlines to decide. Mostly, these offers are competitive and
need
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require
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 individuals to either accept or reject the positions in a very limited time.
This
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 case
also
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 shows the positive outcomes of accepting risks on a career path,
such
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 as promoting to a senior position or a dramatic salary increase.
This
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 career growth outweighs the possibility of drawbacks that might happen , like losing a job.
Although
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 taking risks brought positive opportunities and a huge life change, it has
also
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 drawbacks that require careful analysis for any uncertainty.
Thus
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, our
decisions
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 should be informed, and we might sometimes consult experts to minimise the chance of failure and its consequences.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in each body part. Say more directly how each risk gives more good than bad.
task response
Add one or two more clear details for each example. This will make your ideas feel more full and strong.
task response
You gave examples, but some are too general. Use one more real or personal example if you can.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Your last part is very short. Make the ending a bit fuller and restate your answer in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part and explain it step by step.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You use examples about work and money, so your essay stays on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like 'To begin with', 'Another', and 'Although'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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