IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Numerous large outdoor places for the public,
such
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 as squares and parks, are crucial to be built in all towns and districts. I absolutely agree with
this
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 idea, as it brings great benefits like reducing people's stress, increasing the town's economic development, and
also
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 providing positive impacts for the environment.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, public spaces can make people happy.
This
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 is because it can be a place for them to socialise with their friends, build good quality time with family, and create some fun moments.
Therefore
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,
this
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 place can release their life burden.
Furthermore
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, having squares and parks
also
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 grows the economic status, because many small enterprises would like to open a stand and sell their products there.
For example
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, in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, there is one big square called Alun-Alun where many young adults spend their free time buying street food, like Takoyaki or Cilok,
then
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 sit down and have small talks with their relatives.
Body paragraph 2
Not only those positive things, but large spaces, specifically parks, are good for the environment. A park is a green space where there are many trees planted.
Therefore
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, the trees can supply more oxygen and process carbon dioxide that comes from pollution around the city. The bigger the park, the greater the positive impact.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I agree that all cities have to create large public spaces, since they bring numerous benefits. It can reduce society's life burden and develop the surrounding economy.
Moreover
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, it is really good for the environment too.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: you agree. You give three main reasons: health and happiness, local business, and the environment. To make the response stronger, explain more clearly why each reason means every town and city needs these places.
task response
Some ideas need fuller support. For example, say how a park can help people deal with stress after work, or how trees can make city air better. This will make your points feel more complete.
task response
Your Yogyakarta example is useful and on topic. However, it mainly shows that people buy food there. Add one more detail about how the square helps local shops, jobs, or the town as a whole.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph has both stress and business, so it may be clearer to put these in separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Instead of “Not only those positive things,” use “In addition” or “Another benefit is”. These are more natural and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make key words more exact. “This place” and “it” can be unclear because you talk about squares, parks, and public spaces. Repeat the main noun when needed, such as “these public spaces” or “parks”.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion repeats your main view well. Make it even more direct by naming all three reasons in one short final sentence: people’s well-being, local business, and cleaner air.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion from the introduction to the conclusion.
task response
Your reasons are relevant: public spaces can help people relax, support small business, and improve the environment.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has a clear beginning, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
The example of Alun-Alun in Yogyakarta makes your point more real and helps the reader understand your idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public outdoor spaces
  • community events
  • social cohesion
  • community engagement
  • quality of urban life
  • physical activities
  • public health and wellbeing
  • environmental benefits
  • reduce pollution
  • urban wildlife
  • aesthetic appeal
  • inclusive access
  • economic benefits
  • local businesses
  • tourists attractions
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