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Writing Samples
Band 5

Older people are becoming less respected by society and by the youger generation ? Why is this happening ? What can be done about it ?

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Introduction
The elderly are receiving less
respect
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by
Change preposition
from
show examples
society
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 and the youth.
This
Linking Words
 change is because of the
difference
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 in ideologies and principles.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be tackled by providing education to
people
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 from all
generations
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.
Body paragraph 1
One of the reasons for the reduced
respect
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 for the older
generation
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 is the
difference
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 in ideologies and principles. With advancements in various aspects of life
such
Linking Words
 as work ethics and dressing style, the perspective of individuals on a topic have evovled.
As a result
Linking Words
, there is a
difference
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 in opinion amongst
people
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 coming from different
generations
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 about a similar subject.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 from
old
Correct article usage
the old
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generation
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 would disagree with the idea of maintaining a balance between professional and personal life to live a healthier life, which is strongly supported by the current
generation
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue can
resolved
Verb problem
be resolved
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 by educating
both
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
all
generations
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, younger and
middle aged
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middle-aged
people
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 should be educated about
hardships
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the hardships
show examples
 and challenges that
people
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 from
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 faced to provide them with comfortable lifestyles.
This
Linking Words
 will create a feeling of gratitude and
respect
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 in youth and other members of
society
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 towards
to
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apply
show examples
the elderly.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the old individuals should be taught about the changing trends
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
use
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the use
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 of
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
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 to bridge
knowledge
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the knowledge
show examples
 gap between both
the
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apply
show examples
generations
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.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, old
people
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 will be more informed about the current affairs and
priniciples
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principles
 followed by
society
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, encouraging them to participate in conversation with the youth and
middle aged
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 will make
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
generation
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 feel more included and looked after.
Conclusion
In conclusion, lack of
respect
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 for older
people
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 stems from a
difference
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 in ideologies and principles , but
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved by providing
appriopriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 education to all the members of
society
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both questions clearly, as you do now. To make your ideas stronger, explain more fully why new views lead to less respect. For example, show how a young person may see old advice as out of date.
task response
Your first example is useful, but it is not fully clear. Some older people may also support a good work and home life. Use an example that is more direct, such as young people not asking older family members for advice because they trust online sources more.
task response
The two answers are linked well: teaching young people about the past and teaching older people about new life. Add one clear detail about how this education could happen, for example through schools, family events, or local groups.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan. Make the first sentence of each body part state the main idea in a short and direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. 'However' usually shows a contrast, but your second body part gives a solution. A phrase such as 'This problem can be solved by...' would fit better.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and have many ideas. Break them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as 'generation', 'society', and 'people' too often. You can use 'the young', 'older adults', 'families', and 'the public' when the meaning is clear.
task response
You deal with both the cause and the solution, and your ideas stay on the topic.
task response
The solution section gives help to both young and older people, which shows a fair and complete view.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a clear order: cause, solution, then a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly brings back the main cause and the main solution.
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