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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a country’s success , while others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country’s success. what are these factors ? which, of all factors, do you think are the most important ?

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Introduction
It is argued whether economic
development
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 is the sole factor used to measure a nation’s prosperity, or whether there are other elements,
such
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 as the strength of its internal and external
security
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 and its advancement in
innovation
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.
However
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, I believe that economic progress is the most vital aspect when assessing a
country’s
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success
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, a nation’s
success
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 can be measured by the strength of its
security
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 sector and military capabilities. These factors can affect its reputation, which is particularly important in international relations. A country with a high crime rate,
for example
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, may struggle to attract foreign investors because businesses could consider it an unstable environment.
Similarly
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, a weak military may reduce a nation’s ability to protect its interests and establish strong international alliances.
Therefore
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, maintaining both domestic
security
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 and national defence can be an important indicator of a
country’s
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 stability and
development
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, advances in
innovation
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 and technology can
also
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 reflect national
success
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. Innovations can be developed and applied across various sectors, improving their efficiency and effectiveness, including healthcare,
security
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 and environmental protection.
For instance
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, Japan has become a highly developed country partly because of its substantial investment in technological
innovation
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. Its achievements in areas
such
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 as robotics, transportation and electronics have contributed to improvements in both productivity and people’s quality of life.
Body paragraph 3
Nevertheless
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, I believe that economic
development
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 remains the most important measure of a
country’s
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success
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. A strong economy provides governments with the financial resources necessary to invest in other essential areas, including
security
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, healthcare, education and technological research.
In addition
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, economic prosperity can create employment opportunities and improve citizens’ living standards.
Therefore
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,
while
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security
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 and
innovation
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 are valuable indicators, they are often supported by the financial strength of the country.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 national
security
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 and technological advancement can be used to assess a
country’s
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success
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, I believe that economic progress is the most significant factor because it supports national
development
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 and enables improvements across other sectors.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. To make the answer even better, add more factors, such as health, school, equal chance, and a clean place to live. Then say more clearly why money is more important than each one.
task response
Your main view is clear: money growth helps a country pay for many other needs. You could also say that money alone does not always mean that people have a good life. This would make your view more full and fair.
task response
The Japan example fits well. Add one more clear example for safety or health to show how these things can tell us if a country is doing well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: opening, two other factors, your view, and ending. Each body part has one main idea, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear. You use words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Nevertheless', and 'Therefore' well. Try not to use 'Therefore' too often; use 'As a result' or 'For this reason' at times.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas could link more closely to the main question. For example, after talking about a strong army, state more directly how this shows that a country is successful, not only safe.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph gives a clear end and repeats your main view. It could be stronger if it briefly named the other key factors again, such as safety and new technology.
task response
You give a clear answer to both questions and keep the same main view from start to end.
task response
Your points about safety, new technology, jobs, and living well are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear, and the essay moves well from other measures of success to your chosen main measure.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are both clear and match the main ideas in the body.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • holistic approach
  • subjective well-being
  • quality of life
  • human development index (HDI)
  • green economy
  • technological prowess
  • social cohesion
  • equality and equity
  • cultural vitality
  • political transparency
  • judicial efficacy
  • civil liberties
  • progress indicators
  • societal prosperity
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