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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
The rise of crime has sparked a considerable discussion in recent years. There is an ongoing debate about whether the death penalty should be given to violent criminals.
In which, i
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view because there is a better option ,
such
Linking Words
 as
life
Use synonyms
 imprisonment and providing extra petrol to protect the communities.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason for my argument is that capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 is inhuman, and it is a sin. Solitary prison,
for instance
Linking Words
, provides enough
punishment
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 demonstrates that
life
Use synonyms
 in prison can be justified and enough.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some people consider a death sentence a soft
punishment
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, to avoid
this
Linking Words
 kind of opposition,
life
Use synonyms
 inprisonment as a better option.
Body paragraph 2
Another compelling argument is that the government can help communities by providing more petrol officers. Statistics show that communities with equipped protectors on the street have a better society. It is clearly indicated that crime can be controlled with enough resources. The critics may argue that some crimes are unforgivable, but
life
Use synonyms
 is precious.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly disagree with capital
punishment
Use synonyms
 for any crime because it is inhuman.
While
Linking Words
 Althernative view exists, which is
life
Use synonyms
 imprisonment and providing more officers on patrol.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first paragraph. Say that you disagree because the death penalty does not stop crime better than prison, and because police work can make people safer.
task response
Answer the key idea in the question: does the death penalty control violence? Your essay says it is inhuman, but it needs more about why it will not make crime go down.
task response
Give fuller support for each main point. For example, explain how life in prison keeps dangerous people away from the public, and how more police on the streets may stop crime before it happens.
task response
Do not use unclear facts such as “Statistics show” unless you give a clear, real example. You can use a simple example of a town with more police patrols and faster help for people in danger.
task response
The idea that death is a “soft punishment” is not well explained and does not strongly support your view. Replace it with a clearer point, such as the risk of putting an innocent person to death.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link between each point and your main view more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a full topic sentence. For example: “Life in prison can protect society without taking a person’s life.” Then explain this idea before giving an example.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid sentence parts that are not complete, such as “In which, i completely disagree...” and “Then, to avoid this kind of opposition...”. Write full sentences so the reader can follow your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. “For example”, “also”, “however”, and “therefore” can show how your ideas connect. Do not add a link word if the next sentence does not clearly follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check key word choice because it can make the ideas hard to understand. Use “police patrols”, not “petrol officers”; “life imprisonment”, not “life inprisonment”; and “alternative”, not “Althernative”.
task response
You give a clear personal view and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
You give two relevant ideas: life imprisonment and more police patrols.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses separate paragraphs for different main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and repeats the two main reasons.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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