IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The given line graph indicates the monthly average temperatures while the table presents the total yearly hours of sunshine for London, New York, and Sydney.

6.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The given line graph indicates the monthly average temperatures while the table presents the total yearly hours of sunshine for London, New York, and Sydney.
The line graph compares the monthly average temperatures in
London
Use synonyms
, New
York
Use synonyms
, and
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
 shows the total annual
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine in these three cities.
Overall
Linking Words
, New
York
Use synonyms
 and
London
Use synonyms
 are the hottest in the middle of the year,
while
Linking Words
Sydney
Use synonyms
 is the hottest at the beginning and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year. New
York
Use synonyms
 has the most sunshine,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
London
Use synonyms
 has the least. In
Use synonyms
London
Add a comma
London,
show examples
 the temperature is about 7
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in January. It rises slowly and reaches around 23
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in July. After that it falls gradually
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 8
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in December. New
York
Use synonyms
 has a bigger change in temperature. It starts at about 4
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in January and increases to around 28
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in July.
Then
Linking Words
, the temperature decreases and reaches about 5
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in December.
Sydney
Use synonyms
 shows the opposite
tend
Use the right word
trend
show examples
. It begins at approximately 25
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in January and falls to around 16
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in July. After July, it rises again to about 25
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in December. As for
overall
Linking Words
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine, New
York
Use synonyms
 has the highest number with 2,535
hours
Use synonyms
, and in the second place
stays
Verb problem
is
show examples
Sydney
Use synonyms
 with 2,473
hours
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
London
Use synonyms
 has only 1,180
hours
Use synonyms
 over the year.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 76%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words london, york, sydney, hours, degree with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reaches" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • temperature trends
  • average temperatures
  • monthly variations
  • yearly hours of sunshine
  • seasonal differences
  • climate data
  • moderate variations
  • highest and lowest points
  • comparative analysis
  • climate similarities and differences
  • weather patterns
  • total yearly hours
  • local climate
  • lifestyle impact
  • outdoor activities
  • seasonal affective disorder (SAD)
  • tourism influence
  • geographical location
  • coastal vs. inland
  • latitude and altitude
What to do next:
Look at other essays: