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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Every undergraduate university
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courses
Fix the agreement mistake
course
show examples
 should include a period of
time
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 spent studying overseas or undergo a work
placemment
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placement
. The advantages of
this
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 approach helps improved skills and experiences.
Hence
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, the disadvantages would be the cost and
time
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 taken to complete a certain
course
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, furthering studies abroad
are
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is
show examples
 important to enhance learning skills. Most universities consist
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
large
scale
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number
show examples
 of educators with different
background knowledge
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backgrounds
show examples
.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that some universities are widely known for certain
courses
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 which
has
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have
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 a huge
significant
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significance
 to a certain
course
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.
For instance
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, Imperial College London is one of the top universities in the world
that is
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 famous
in
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for
show examples
 engineering.
Moreover
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, learning abroad
gain
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gains
show examples
 much more experience compared to learning locally. It covers a certain field where
students
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 can get hands-on learning tools and
material
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materials
show examples
 which are not
availabe
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available
 in their own country.
For example
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, in
India
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India,
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 most medical
students
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 learn with
real life
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real-life
 corpses in order to understand more in
detailed
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detail
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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. The primary disadvantages are the cost to sustain in studying abroad. The allowance of most
students
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are relied upon
Correct subject-verb agreement
is provided by
show examples
 their parents and guardians. The price of travel, tuition fee and living expenses can be difficult to cover for some
students
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.
For example
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, covering the expenses of a flight can reach over RM500 for just a
one way
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one-way
 ticket for most countries.
Besides
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 that, another disadvantage is the
time
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 taken to finish a certain
course
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. A few
courses
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 has its own period of semester for them to complete.
For example
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,
Speech
Correct article usage
the Speech
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 Pathology
course
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 takes about 1 year for it to complete their work placement,
while
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 other
courses
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 may only
be in just
Verb problem
take
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 6 months.
Conclusion
In
conlusion
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conclusion
, furthering studies abroad helps in gaining
real life
Correct your spelling
real-life
 skills and much more hands-on learning experience.
Although
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 the amount of money and
time
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 period in completing a certain
course
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 must
also
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 be taken
in
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into
show examples
 consideration.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph: say if the good points are greater than the bad points. Your essay lists both sides, but your own view is not fully clear.
task response
Explain why the good points are greater, or why the bad points are greater. In the last paragraph, make the same clear choice again.
task response
Use examples that show a required study trip or work placement. The example about a top school is not enough by itself. Explain how study abroad or work work helps students in a real job.
task response
Be careful with facts. A one-way flight for RM500 may not be true for most countries. Use a more general example if you are not sure.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body paragraphs, and an end. Keep this shape, but make each paragraph focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not write a full stop after “On the other hand” and then start a new sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentences more direct. For example: “Study abroad can give students skills that are hard to get at home.” Then explain this idea with one strong example.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because the meaning is not clear. For example, replace “which has a huge significant to a certain course” with “which are well known for some subjects.”
coherence and cohesion
Check key word forms and spelling, as these can make the flow less clear: “Every undergraduate course”, “work placement”, “helps improve”, “students rely on”, “in detail”, and “conclusion”.
task response
You discuss both the good side and the bad side of the idea, including skills, real work experience, cost, and extra time.
task response
You use examples, such as engineering study in London and medical study in India, to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “To begin with”, “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “Besides that”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • study abroad
  • work placement
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • academic knowledge
  • open-minded
  • independent
  • self-confidence
  • adapt to change
  • career chances
  • cultural understanding
  • language skills
  • financial cost
  • family responsibilities
  • compulsory
  • flexible choice
  • personal growth
  • hands-on learning
  • future employer
  • equal opportunity
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