IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadys
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
 there are many uses for the
internet
Use synonyms
 and many
websites
Use synonyms
, it can be helpful or harmful
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 depends on the way of using the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
there are different types of
websites
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
, like educational and entertament and more
,
Correct word order
. Also,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 many
websites
Use synonyms
 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 harmful content for everyone
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contain adult content, or
harmful
Verb problem
are harmful
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 yourself, it can
steals
Wrong verb form
steal
show examples
 your information, like your location or bank details.
Thoses
Correct your spelling
Those
websites
Use synonyms
 can be blocked by the
government
Use synonyms
 to keep the
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should do awareness campaigns for the society to
riase
Correct your spelling
raise
 the awareness of people, like at the
scool
Correct your spelling
school
, some companies and
in the
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media apps.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are many apps
allow
Correct pronoun usage
that allow
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
users to use those
websites
Use synonyms
 like VPN ( virtual private network), which should
be blocked
Correct word order
also be blocked
show examples
also
Linking Words
 by the
government
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
In
addittion
Correct your spelling
addition
, the
government
Use synonyms
not only responsable about
Correct word order
is not only responsible for these
show examples
this
Linking Words
websites
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the parents must keep
eye
Correct article usage
an eye
show examples
 on there childern
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 must know what they do
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 parents can link the devices of
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 children to their phone so they can protect them
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 watching or using harmful
websites
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
. Also,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 they can set a limit for using the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should take action
about
Change preposition
against
show examples
 those
websites
Use synonyms
 to keep the country safe and keep the people
awat
Correct your spelling
away
 from
this
Linking Words
 content, blocking those
websites
Use synonyms
 ,
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 awareness campaigns and
block
Wrong verb form
blocking
show examples
 some apps.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the perents plays a main role
to keep
Change preposition
in keeping
show examples
 their children safe.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clear answer in the first part. Say how far you agree that the state should control the internet. For example, say that it should block illegal and very harmful sites, but it should not control all ideas or news.
task response
Talk about both sides of control. Your essay explains why some sites should be blocked, but it does not explain the danger of too much control, such as stopping free speech or hiding true news.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how blocking adult sites, scam sites, or sites that steal bank data can help people. Then give one clear example for each point.
task response
Be careful with the idea of blocking VPNs. Explain why this may not work and why some people use VPNs for safe work or private use. This will make your view more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction with your view, one body part about what the state should block, one body part about limits and the role of parents, then a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. The first body part has many ideas together: harmful sites, awareness work, and VPNs. Put these ideas in separate parts or link them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use 'In addition' many times. Try other simple links, such as 'For example', 'However', 'Also', 'As a result', and 'On the other hand'.
coherence and cohesion
Make your sentences shorter and clearer. For example: 'The government can block sites that show adult content or steal personal data. This can help protect children and other users.'
task response
You give a clear view that the government should act against harmful sites.
task response
You include useful points about child safety, personal data, school awareness, and the role of parents.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your main ideas and brings the essay to a clear close.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Censorship
  • Freedom of expression
  • Hate speech
  • Misinformation
  • Extremism
  • Regulations
  • Cyberbullying
  • Self-regulation
  • Transparency
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Algorithms
  • Digital culture
  • Personal freedoms
  • Illegal content
  • Internet safety
What to do next:
Look at other essays: