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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people’s lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give r

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
fashion
Use synonyms
trends
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 become impotrant part in how
prople
Correct your spelling
people
 dress. It is
also
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 possible to say that
people
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influenced
Verb problem
are influenced
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 by global
fashion
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trends
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. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
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this
Linking Words
 topic.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, many
people
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 become highly influenced by different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of
fashion
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trends
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, and they wear what is
trend
Replace the word
trendy
 now
no
Punctuation problem
, no
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 matter if it looks good or not. I believe that social media contributes
on
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to
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 how
people
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 think about these
trends
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, especially the public figures who show on different social networks. As these social platforms show all
fashion
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trends
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such
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 as clothes, shoes and bags,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 are being
wearing
Wrong verb form
worn
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 by influencers.
As a result
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,
people
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 get influnced especially young
people
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. Nowadays,
people
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 become very excited to wear
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
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 shirt or pants that their favourite singer or actor have wear it.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a very popular band in
korea
Capitalize the proper name
Korea
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 called Black Pink, in
this
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band
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band,
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 the singers wear specific dresses and skirts when they perform. As
audiance
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audience
 from different parts of the world love the band, they start
wear
Wrong verb form
wearing
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 the same clothes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 these clothes become
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
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.
Body paragraph 2
I consider
fashion
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trends
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 very helpful and have many advantages. Through these
trends
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, you can get out
from
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of
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 your
fashion
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 comfort
zoon
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zone
, and you will start exploring new things.
Also
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,
fashion
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 trend is interesting topic to read about, you will become aware about
fashion
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 world.
In addition
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, it will let you open
to
Verb problem
up to
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 make a change, and
this
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 change will develop your confidence.
For example
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, some
people
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 are afraid to make
change
Correct article usage
a change
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 in their
apperances
Correct your spelling
appearances
, as they consider it a bold step. But
If
Fix capitalization
if
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 you are a person who
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
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fashion
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trends
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, you will have the
courageous
Replace the word
courage
 to make changes
on
Change preposition
to
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 your style.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe
people
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considerably
Verb problem
are considerably
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 influenced by
fashion
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trends
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, and these
trends
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helped
Wrong verb form
help
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people
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to
Wrong verb form
apply
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look beautiful.

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Task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain not only that social media has an effect, but also why global brands, online shops, famous people, and fast travel make trends spread so quickly around the world.
Task response
Your view is clear: you see this as a good change. However, give a more balanced answer by adding one possible bad side, such as people spending too much money or losing their own style, then explain why the good sides are stronger.
Task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example, say how trying a new style can make a person feel more sure of themselves, instead of only saying that it does.
Coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph should explain why global fashion is strong. The second should explain whether it is good or bad. This plan is mostly followed, but some sentences repeat the same point.
Coherence and cohesion
Make links between sentences more natural. Use words such as “because”, “therefore”, “for example”, and “however” only when they clearly show the link. Avoid starting several sentences with “As” or “Also”.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your main view more closely. The conclusion should say that global fashion is a positive change because it helps people try new styles and feel more confident, while also noting that people should keep their own taste.
Task response
You give a clear answer to both questions: social media and famous people make fashion trends strong, and you see this change as positive.
Task response
The Blackpink example is relevant and helps show how a famous group can affect what people wear in many places.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two body paragraphs, and an ending. The reader can follow your main message.
Coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “To begin with”, “For instance”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
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