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Band 5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
The way
people
Use synonyms
 interact with each other today is completely different from how they interacted 50 years ago. The landscape of
socialization
Change the spelling
socialisation
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 has changed dramatically ever since
technology
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has become
Wrong verb form
became
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 a part of our lives and is still evolving as time passes by. These changes have both negative and positive impacts.
Body paragraph 1
One of the areas of human life that has been deeply impacted by the development
in
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of
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technology
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 is the way
people
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 are able to interact with each other.
Technogy
Correct your spelling
Technology
 has made keeping connections with
friends
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 and family so efficient and easy that it
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
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 like the best time to be alive.
Technology
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 enables
people
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 to maintain a complete record of
phone
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 numbers, email
address
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addresses,
show examples
 or even residential address all in just an application on their
phone
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usually
Punctuation problem
, usually
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 called "
phone
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" or "contacts".
This
Linking Words
 completely removes the need to write down
phone
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 numbers and maintain a diary.
For example
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, I moved from Mumbai to Toronto in 2022. With the help of applications like FaceTime and
WhatsApp
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WhatsApp,
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 I can easily stay in touch with my
friends
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 living in London and family living in Mumbai, from my
phone
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 and connect with them on a
phone
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 call or a video call to see them live.
Therefore
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,
technology
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 does help
people
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 stay connected with their
friends
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 and family from any part of the world.
Body paragraph 2
Technology
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also
Linking Words
does impact
Wrong verb form
impacts
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 interactions negatively. The flip side of having interaction with
people
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 using
technology
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 can be that
people
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 become overly dependent on
technology
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.
This
Linking Words
 factor is especially visible in younger generations, who choose to interact with their
friends
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 online on social media or gaming sites
instead
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 of going outside
which
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, which
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 can lead to bigger physical health issues.
For example
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, new studies are claiming a factor called "the iPhone finger
"
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",
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which affects the physiological abilities of the tiny finger.
Hence
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, limited use of
technology
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 should be emphasized especially in younger generations.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I believe the advancement of
technology
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 has completely changed the way
people
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 interact and
socialize now a days, we
Punctuation problem
socialise nowadays. We
show examples
 have
normalized
Change the spelling
normalised
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 having a personal
phone
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 to a point that we forget that humans can actually live a
Linking Words
while
Use the right word
whole
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 life without a
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phone
Punctuation problem
phone,
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 just like they did 50 years ago.
Also
Linking Words
, the negative consequences should not be overlooked as they can be extremely detrimental to
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 population.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain how phones and apps help people stay in touch, but add other kinds of relationships, such as work links, new online friends, and dating.
task response
Make your main view clearer from the start. Say if you think this change is mostly good or mostly bad, then keep that view clear in each body part and in the end.
task response
Develop the negative side with a closer link to relationships. The point about hand pain is not mainly about how people relate to others. Explain instead how too much online time can reduce face-to-face talks or make people feel alone.
task response
Use examples that clearly prove each point. Your move from Mumbai to Toronto is a good real example. For the negative point, give a simple example of a young person choosing online games over time with family or friends.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two main parts, and end. Keep this shape, but begin each main part with one direct topic sentence that states the key idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. For example, after saying that technology keeps people close, explain that this is helpful for long-distance family ties. Then move to the next point with a clear contrast, such as “However, this can also harm close daily ties.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “technology” and “people interact” many times. Use simple other words, such as “these tools,” “online contact,” “this change,” or “face-to-face time.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending shorter and more focused. Restate your view, name the main good and bad effects, and do not add new ideas there.
task response
You answer both parts of the question by showing a good effect and a bad effect.
task response
The example about living in Toronto while keeping in touch with people in Mumbai and London is clear, personal, and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main focus, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “For example,” “Therefore,” “The flip side,” “Hence,” and “To conclude.”
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
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