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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today's competitive world, it is widely believed that senior
managers
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 should have much higher salaries than other workers in the
company
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. I disagree with
this
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 idea, and I tend to believe that an excessive
difference
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 between senior
managers
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' salaries and
employees
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'
can
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salaries can
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 have a negative impact on the
productivity
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 of
staff
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, as they may think that their efforts are ignored by the
company
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.
Body paragraph 1
One of the major disadvantages of an excessive
difference
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 between head
managers
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' income and
staff
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's is that it can reduce
employees
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'
productivity
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 in the workplace, as
this
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 may reduce their
motivation
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 to improve their essential skills for promotion.
This
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 is mainly because they may think that their efforts are not valued by the
company
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.
As a result
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,
staff
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's job satisfaction declines
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they just work to complete their tasks without any
motivation
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 for development and commitment to the
company
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.
For instance
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, huge
salary
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 differences in private companies often encourage
employees
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 to leave their jobs because they feel that their contributions are not recognised.
Hence
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, excessive
salary
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difference
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differences
show examples
 between senior
managers
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 and
employees
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 can lead to destructive consequences.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, a reasonable
salary
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difference
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 can have a positive impact on the
company
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's and
employees
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' development because it can be an encouragement for
staff
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 to improve their essential skills
while
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 enhancing their
productivity
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 to promote their job position.
Consequently
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,
staff
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 follow the
company
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's goals
while
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 reinforcing their abilities.
For example
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, in developing countries
such
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 as Iran, a higher
salary
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 is an efficient way to motivate
employees
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 to work efficiently and effectively in the workplace because it supports both the
company
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's and
staff
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's growth.
Thus
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, a balanced approach to salaries can not only ensure the
company
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's growth but
also
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 increase
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staff's
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staff
show examples
motivation
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 and job satisfaction.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, I firmly disagree with the existence of a huge
salary
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difference
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 between senior
managers
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 and
employees
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 because it can lead to inequality, which can decrease
staff
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's
productivity
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 and
motivation
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 to perform their responsibilities more efficiently.
Nevertheless
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, a reasonable
difference
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 can ensure both the
company
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's and
staff
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's development.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start: you disagree with very large pay gaps. To make it stronger, explain more fully why senior managers may still deserve higher pay, such as their greater risk, skill, and duty. Then show clearly why the gap should not be too large.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic, but some points are repeated. Add one more clear reason for your view, for example that very large pay gaps can make staff feel the company is unfair and may cause good workers to leave.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Give a more real and clear example of a company, a kind of job, or a likely result of unfair pay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this good plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and include several ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use words such as 'As a result', 'However', and 'Thus' well, but do not use them only to join ideas. Make sure the next sentence directly follows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for key groups throughout the essay. For example, choose 'senior managers' and 'employees' instead of changing to 'head managers', 'staff', and 'workers' many times.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear view from beginning to end.
task response
You make a useful difference between an excessive pay gap and a reasonable pay gap.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one central idea, and the conclusion restates your main view clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is easy to follow: problem first, then a more balanced point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • justification
  • experience
  • responsibility
  • high-stakes decisions
  • motivation
  • incentive
  • wage disparity
  • morale
  • meritocracy
  • performance
  • contributions
  • company finances
  • employee development
  • research
  • expansion
  • alternative compensation structures
  • performance-based bonuses
  • profit sharing
  • dissatisfaction
  • retention
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