IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#organisations #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
Many organisations think that
dress
Wrong verb form
dressing
show examples
 smartly is a should for workers,
while
 others believe in
result
Add an article
the result
show examples
 of a job
instead
 of presence. Dressing smartly is important for certain employees, depending on the working environment and purpose of their job.
However
, I believe that
work
 quality should be the top priority. Wearing a uniform is essential for certain professionals,
such
 as nurses, police officers, and employers. They believe a uniform is a part of their identity, making it easier for
people
 to recognise them when needed.
For instance
, when
people
 go to a hospital, they can quickly identify nurses by their uniforms, which are different from those worn by doctors and midwives.
Similarly
, employers should
dress
 attractively when attending client meetings, as it makes them look more professional and boosts their confidence, resulting in higher-quality
work
.
On the other hand
,
people
 working in art and technology,
such
 as software developers and painters, believe that their
work
 is more important than their attire.
For example
, software developers do not need to interact with a few
people
 face to face, which means that their appearance does not affect their
work
 quality.
Additionally
, they can
work
 remotely from anywhere and anytime, so they do not have to
dress
 up for
work
.
Similarly
, painters have the freedom to express their creativity in their
work
, which means they have the flexibility to
dress
 as they want. In conclusion,
while
 dressing well can boost confidence and make it easier for
people
 to recognise you, the quality of
work
 should always be the highest priority, and it is achievable without focusing on attire
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Task Achievement
To improve your task response, ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt. Your essay should distinctly discuss the views mentioned and make your opinion clear and justified. Make sure to provide relevant and specific examples to better illustrate your points and strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay by linking ideas more smoothly. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can help connect sentences and paragraphs, making your argument more coherent. Structuring your essay clearly with well-defined paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific point or idea, will also aid in achieving a logical flow in your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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