IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
Many argue that giving senior
managers
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 higher salaries than other employees is beneficial,
while
Linking Words
 others believe
otherwise
Linking Words
. I totally believe that paying senior
managers
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 more is reasonable because they have heavier responsibilities and generally
work
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 for longer hours.
Body paragraph 1
One primary reason why it is a good thing for senior
managers
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 to be paid more is that they usually have more
work
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 and duties than regular employees. They may need to lead a whole group of people in a meeting, go on business trips, or have more paperwork. They typically have more responsibilities than regular employees do.
Therefore
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, all the additional
work
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 is
time
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-consuming and tiring. To illustrate, as a senior manager myself, I often lead meetings daily and sacrifice my weekends going on business trips.
As a result
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, having higher salaries is reasonable because senior
managers
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 need to dedicate much more
time
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 to their
work
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.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with more responsibilities and
time
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 consumption, if senior directors were to be paid the same amount as ordinary workers, it would not be fair to them.
This
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 would make the
managers
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 have a feeling that they are not getting back what they worked for, which could lead to being less motivated when working. To illustrate, I once knew a friend who was a senior manager, and he eventually quit his job because the amount of money he was receiving from the company he was working for was not identical to the amount of
work
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 and
time
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 he put in.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I completely agree with giving senior
managers
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 higher salaries because their job is more difficult and requires more working
time
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.
Therefore
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, given the situation, senior
managers
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 should be paid more than other workers.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and you answer the whole question. To make the answer stronger, explain why higher pay is good for the company too. For example, it can help a company keep skilled managers and lead workers well.
task response
Your two main points are linked: managers do more work, and fair pay can keep them from leaving. Add one short point about the other side, such as the risk of very large pay gaps, then explain why you still agree.
task response
The examples fit your ideas, but they are very personal. You can also use a simple company example: a manager who makes good plans may help a team finish work on time and make more money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Each main part has one main idea, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are said more than once, especially that managers have more work, more time, and more duties. Use one clear sentence for this point, then use the next sentences to explain the result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. The second main part could begin with a clearer link, such as: "Also, higher pay can be fair because managers carry greater risk." This makes the new point feel less like a repeat.
coherence and cohesion
The last sentence repeats the same idea as the sentence before it. Make the ending shorter and sum up your two reasons in one final sentence.
task response
You give a clear, strong view and keep this view the same through the whole essay.
task response
Your reasons are on topic: senior managers often carry more work and may lose interest or leave if their pay is not fair.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening tells the reader your view, and your ending brings the essay to a clear close.
coherence and cohesion
The use of phrases such as "One primary reason", "Furthermore", and "In conclusion" helps the reader follow the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • justification
  • experience
  • responsibility
  • high-stakes decisions
  • motivation
  • incentive
  • wage disparity
  • morale
  • meritocracy
  • performance
  • contributions
  • company finances
  • employee development
  • research
  • expansion
  • alternative compensation structures
  • performance-based bonuses
  • profit sharing
  • dissatisfaction
  • retention
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