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Band 5

Some people think that children should do homework every day. Others believe that children should have free time after school instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
There are different opinions about
homework
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. Some people believe that
children
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 should do
homework
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 every day,
while
Linking Words
 others think they need free
time
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 after
school
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. In my opinion, free
time
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 is more important
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because it helps
children
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 rest and learn new skills.
Body paragraph 1
Some people think that daily
homework
Use synonyms
 is useful. The reason is that
children
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 practise what they learned in class, so they remember it better.
As a result
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, they may get higher marks and feel more confident at
school
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, I believe that
children
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 need free
time
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 to rest. After six hours at
school
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, they are already tired, and extra
homework
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 can make them stressed.
For example
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, a student who studies until night may sleep late and feel sleepy in class the next day. In
this
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 case,
homework
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 can lower his marks
instead
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 of raising them.
Body paragraph 3
Another reason is that free
time
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 helps
children
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 learn useful skills. When they play
sport
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sports
show examples
 or draw, they learn teamwork, patience and creativity, which
school
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 books cannot teach.
For instance
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, a girl who practises swimming after
school
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 can become stronger and more confident.
This
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also
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 helps her at
school
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, because she can stay calm and focus better.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
homework
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 helps
children
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 practise their lessons.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that free
time
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 is more important, because
children
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 need to rest and to learn skills outside
Use synonyms
school
Change preposition
of school
show examples
.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, say more about why some parents or teachers want homework every day, not only that it helps children remember class work.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and your examples fit well. You could add one more real detail, such as a child having a short amount of homework on some days but more time for sport, family, or sleep.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first one view, then your view, then a short ending. This makes it easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are good, with words such as 'However', 'As a result', and 'For example'. Try to use a wider set of simple links, such as 'Also', 'Because of this', and 'At the same time', so the flow does not feel too repeated.
coherence and cohesion
The two body parts about free time are both useful, but you could join them more closely. For example, show that rest gives children more energy, while after-school activities help them grow in other ways.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it clear to the end.
task response
Your examples of a tired student and a girl who swims are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, and the ending sums up your view well.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposting words to guide the reader through the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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