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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valueable to be shared freely. Discuss both view and give your own opinion

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
The unrestricted exchange of
information
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 is widely regarded as a driving force behind scientific progress, commercial innovation and academic advancement.
Nevertheless
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, there are circumstances in which making
knowledge
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 freely accessible may expose individuals or organisations to considerable risks.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and argue that,
although
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information
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-sharing should be encouraged in principle, material
that is
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 commercially sensitive or potentially harmful should be subject to appropriate safeguards.
Body paragraph 1
There are compelling reasons to favour the broad dissemination of
information
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. Scientific and academic
knowledge
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,
in particular
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, tends to generate greater value when it is subjected to scrutiny from a diverse range of researchers and practitioners. Sharing findings enables others to challenge assumptions, replicate results and identify shortcomings that the original author may have overlooked. The resulting exchange of perspectives can, in turn, accelerate innovation by allowing subsequent researchers to build upon existing discoveries rather than duplicating work that has already been undertaken. In
this
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 respect, openness is not merely a matter of cooperation; it is an important mechanism through which
knowledge
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 can be refined and cumulative progress achieved.
Body paragraph 2
That said, unrestricted disclosure is not universally desirable. In the commercial sphere, companies may invest substantial resources in developing proprietary technologies, business strategies or market research, and revealing
such
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information
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 without safeguards could effectively transfer the benefits of that investment to competitors.
Similarly
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, premature disclosure of certain scientific findings could have unintended consequences if the
information
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 were misinterpreted, exploited or disseminated without adequate oversight.
This
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 does not necessarily justify secrecy, but rather suggests that access should sometimes be regulated
according to
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 the sensitivity and potential consequences of the
information
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 involved.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the widespread sharing of
information
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 is essential to scientific, academic and technological advancement, as
knowledge
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 becomes more valuable when it can be scrutinised and built upon by others.
However
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,
this
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 principle should not be interpreted as requiring unrestricted disclosure. In my view,
information
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 should be shared by default,
while
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 commercially sensitive, confidential or potentially harmful material should be subject to proportionate restrictions.

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task response
You discuss both sides clearly and give your own view in the first and last parts. To make the answer even stronger, add one clear real-life example for each side, such as a drug study and a company design.
task response
Your ideas are well explained. You could also say more about who should decide when information is not safe to share, for example, the state, schools, or the company.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a very clear four-part shape: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. Each part has one main point, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas work well, especially 'That said', 'Similarly', and 'In conclusion'. For an even more natural flow, you can use a few simpler links too, such as 'For example', 'Also', and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
The last part matches your main view well. Keep making sure that each body part starts with a direct main idea and ends by showing why that idea matters.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain why sharing can help, why limits may be needed, and what you think.
task response
Your view is clear and stays the same from start to end: share information in most cases, but protect private or harmful material.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is strong and easy to follow. The first body part supports sharing, while the second gives clear reasons for limits.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion brings the main ideas together without simply copying earlier sentences.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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