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Band 5.5

Many students finish high school and want to continue their studies in another country. Give the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Education has changed a great deal today. Many
students
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 seek to continue their education overseas.
This
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 is a very popular trend today.
This
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 essay will examine the advantages and the disadvantages of studying abroad , and I will give my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
There are many incredible advantages to studying abroad .
First,
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Students
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 get a superior education .
For example
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, they go to famous universities to study and get a more valuable degree.
Also
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, Some Universities have certain types of majors to focus on. Second,
students
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 want to have the experience of living alone.
In addition
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 , many of them want to rely on themselves.
This
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 develops their personality.
Finally
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 , many educators study abroad to make new friendships . Countries,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 America and the United Kingdom , have many international
students
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. Making worldwide connections can be great for the future.
Body paragraph 2
There are many disadvantages to studying abroad . First , many of them deal with high expenses.
For example
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 , some places raise the price of the rent. Some grocery shops and supermarkets increased the price of the products.
Second,
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for many
students
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, their big problem is food . Many countries,
such
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 as Japan and China, have different types of food , which some of the
students
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 do not eat.
Moreover
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, Muslim
students
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' diet consists of Halal meat.
Finally
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, some of the
students
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 find it hard to make conversation with people.
In addition
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, some countries can only speak their language, which makes it hard for
students
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 to talk to them.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is painfully obvious that there are multiple disadvantages to studying abroad.
However
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, there are
also
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 many great advantages of doing
this
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. Personally, studying abroad is the best experience they will ever have.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task: good points, bad points, and your view. To make your view stronger, say it clearly in the first part and explain why you feel this way.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more detail. For example, explain how a better degree can help a student get work, or how living alone can help a student grow.
task response
Some examples are too general. Use one clear, real-life example for each main point. For food, you could say that a student may need to spend more time and money to find food they can eat.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: first part, good points, bad points, and end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same subject in each point. In the first body part, you change from students to educators. Use students all the way through, unless you mean teachers.
coherence and cohesion
Link words such as “First”, “Second”, “Finally”, and “However” help the reader. Try not to use too many in one short part. Add clear links that show cause, such as “because” and “so”.
coherence and cohesion
The end repeats the main idea, but it can be more direct. Say that the good points are greater than the bad points, then give one short reason.
task response
You give both sides of studying abroad and include your own view.
task response
Your ideas about better study, living alone, new friends, high cost, food, and language are on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has a clear focus: first the good points, then the bad points.
coherence and cohesion
The first part tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the final part gives your view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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