IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large outdoor public spaces such as squared and parks. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that all towns and
cities
Use synonyms
 should have large outdoor public
spaces
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
parks
Use synonyms
, cafes and green zones. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because these places are good for
people
Use synonyms
's health and give them a chance to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with others.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is really important for countries to have open
spaces
Use synonyms
 as
people
Use synonyms
 can have more quality
time
Use synonyms
 together and refresh their minds from their daily tasks.
Also
Linking Words
, it is beneficial gor peoples physical and mental health. They can attend more public
spaces
Use synonyms
 ,
such
Linking Words
 as the zoo ,
instead
Linking Words
 of scrolling all the
time
Use synonyms
. Having
parks
Use synonyms
 near their homes encourages them to go outside, walk and do exercise.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can go jogging, play sports or simply take a walk in a park.
This
Linking Words
 can help them stay healthy and reduce stress. Another reason is that public
spaces
Use synonyms
 allow
people
Use synonyms
 to spend
time
Use synonyms
 together.
Parks
Use synonyms
 and squares are places where friends, families, and neighbours can meet and communicate.
This
Linking Words
 is especially crucial in large
cities
Use synonyms
, where individuals can feel lonely as they are often busy with their own lives. Public places can
also
Linking Words
 make a city more beautiful and comfortable for its residents.
Body paragraph 2
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that large
parks
Use synonyms
 take up valuable land that could be used for houses and buildings.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
cities
Use synonyms
 should have a balance between building and green
spaces
Use synonyms
. Without
parks
Use synonyms
 and squares,
cities
Use synonyms
 could become crowded and less pleasant to live
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that all towns and
cities
Use synonyms
 should have large outdoor public
spaces
Use synonyms
. They help
people
Use synonyms
 stay healthy, reduce stress and communicate with others,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 make city comfortable to live.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your answer gives a clear view and stays on the main question. To make it stronger, explain more why public spaces are important for every town, not only big cities.
task response
Your main ideas are good: health, less stress, and time with other people. Add one more clear real-life example, such as children playing after school or old people meeting each day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main body, and end. The ideas move in a good order, from health to social life and then to the other view.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter paragraphs. The first main paragraph has many ideas, so split health and social life into two parts. This will make your writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. For example, use “First”, “Also”, “However”, and “In conclusion” to show the next idea clearly. Do not repeat “public spaces” too often; sometimes use “these places” or “parks and squares”.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word forms: write “people’s physical and mental health”, “green spaces”, and “make the city comfortable to live in”.
task response
You clearly agree with the idea from the first paragraph and keep the same view until the end.
task response
The examples of walking, jogging, and playing sports are useful and fit your health point well.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion restates your main view and main reasons in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph about land for homes shows that you can include the other side before giving your own view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • community interaction
  • social hubs
  • physical activity
  • relaxation
  • mental health
  • urban heat islands
  • air quality
  • habitats
  • cultural events
  • recreational activities
  • vibrancy
  • tourism
  • property value
  • green spaces
  • well-maintained
What to do next:
Look at other essays: