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Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.

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The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.
The given bar chart and line graph
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the figures of Japanese outbound tourists venturing to different countries and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market from 1985 to 1995.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is an upward trend among individuals going on holidays as the number decreased slightly
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period,
while
Linking Words
 there is a significant number of people are coming to Australia for vacations. In detail, 5
million
Use synonyms
 people travelled abroad in 1985 as the ratio
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
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 gradually and reached
at
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 highest point
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 11
million
Use synonyms
 in 1990.
However
Linking Words
, there was a minor decline in 1991 to around 11
million
Use synonyms
.
Total
Add an article
The total
show examples
 number of tourists
exactly
Verb problem
was exactly
show examples
 12
million
Use synonyms
 in 1993,
whereas
Linking Words
 the ratio
surge
Wrong verb form
surged
show examples
 remarkably in 1995 to approximately 15
millio
Correct your spelling
million
. As for
line
Add an article
the line
show examples
 graph, the percentage of men and women was about 2% in 1985 exploring Australian landscapes. In the next few years, the figure climbed notably to about 5 per cent in 1988.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
 increase in the percentage of tourists coming to Australia
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • travel abroad
  • Japanese outbound tourists
  • the total number of travellers
  • a marked increase
  • rise steadily
  • grow rapidly
  • reach a peak
  • a slight decline
  • recover gradually
  • an upward trend
  • market share
  • Australia’s share of the market
  • account for
  • double from 2% to 4%
  • the proportion of visitors
  • in absolute terms
  • the number of tourists
  • a significant rise
  • overall growth
  • by comparison
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