IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Practice Question for IELTS Submit your responses and I will evaluate each response. An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Regarding the question of why the number of cosmetic surgeries has increased, I am of the opinion that social pressures continue to increase
due to
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 the overexposure to social media.
This
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 strikes me as an increasingly dangerous trend, because it preys on vulnerabilities.
Body paragraph 1
With the widespread access to social media, our society has become increasingly reliant on being perceived as conventionally attractive. Content creators measure their success in money and engagement through comments and „likes".
Body paragraph 2
Therefore
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, to be successful, one has to steadily attract new followers and keep them motivated to comment on your content. YouTube's statistics show the continued success of „
beauty
Use synonyms
-influencers" throughout the years.
While
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 other trends typically experience fluctuations in popularity, the interest in being seen as beautiful has not diminished.
This
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 leads to a culture in which being beautiful is a legitimate profession.
This
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 continued stream of revenue is only feasible,
however
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, if the
beauty
Use synonyms
 of the creator is upheld. Because of
this
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, surgeries have become the standard to ensure long-lasting youth and good looks. The film industry has faced similar issues for decades, with stars being both praised and criticised for their choices regarding cosmetic procedures.
Consequently
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, these trends can lead to many fans emulating the behaviours of their idols.
Body paragraph 3
Since cosmetic surgeries have become so commonplace online, many young women especially feel the need to fit into
this
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 skewed perception of
beauty
Use synonyms
.
This
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 has been an issue in my youth over a decade ago, but when asked, younger acquaintances have assured me that the pressures have increased drastically. Feelings and fears commonly described,
such
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 as fear-of-missing-out or „FOMO“,
along with
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 the social pressure to present a filtered, perfect version of oneself online, may result in an increase in cosmetic procedures.
Body paragraph 4
There is a myriad of dangers associated with
this
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 development, from an increase in rates of body dysmorphia to the financial strain, especially on young people. It is not uncommon for teenagers to feel uncomfortable in their changing bodies. But rigid, unachievable standards set by
beauty
Use synonyms
 gurus online only heighten the discrepancy between a young person's appearance and their idolised aesthetic. The prevalence of surgical means to rectify perceived flaws is presented as the correct, socially acceptable choice.
This
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 can have detrimental effects on teenagers, encouraging dangerous behaviours
such
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 as self-harm tendencies and other maladaptive coping mechanisms. When the possibility of having a surgical procedure performed is offered, those desperate enough are willing to go into debt to afford it. Especially in countries like the United States,
this
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 debt can accompany somebody for decades to come. It might even impede other choices,
such
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 as going to college or buying a house,
due to
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 negative credit scores.
Conclusion
Overall
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, the rise in cosmetic procedures can be at least in part attributed to the online culture around
beauty
Use synonyms
 standards.
This
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 is a distinctly negative development, because it exploits deep-seated insecurities, especially in young people and might lead to decisions that have a detrimental effect on a person's future.

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task response
Answer both parts clearly, as you do now. To make the answer even stronger, give one short real example with a clear result, such as a young person who spent money on an operation after seeing online posts.
task response
Some ideas are very strong but long. Keep the main line clear: social media creates pressure, people copy famous people, and this can harm young people. This will make your view easier to follow.
task response
Be careful with very wide claims, such as surgery becoming the standard. Use softer words like “may seem normal” or “is more common in some online spaces.” This sounds more fair and exact.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: cause first, then harm, then a final view. You can improve the flow by using fewer linking words at the start of sentences, especially “Therefore”, “Consequently”, and “Because of this”.
coherence and cohesion
Some paragraphs have many ideas at once. For example, the paragraph about online beauty could be split: one part on content makers and money, and one part on fans copying them. This would make each main point stand out.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter sentences in a few places. For example, the sentence about fear, online pressure, and cosmetic work is long. Breaking it into two sentences would make it clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same where possible. You use “surgeries”, “operations”, “procedures”, and “surgical means”. Using “cosmetic surgery” more often would help the reader follow the topic.
task response
You give a clear answer to why more people choose cosmetic surgery and clearly state that you see this change as harmful.
task response
Your ideas are well developed. You explain how social media, famous people, money, and pressure can affect choices about appearance.
task response
The points about debt, body image, and young people give your negative view real force.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives a clear position, and the final paragraph returns to that position well.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a main focus, and the order of ideas is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Links between ideas are usually clear, especially when you show cause and result.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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