MOST artists earn low salaries and should recieve funding from government in order to continue their work to what extent do u agree?

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Introduction
The common archetype of the „starving artist“ begs the question
whether
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of whether
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governments should sponsor artistic professions.
While
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the monetary support might put additional strain on taxpayers, there is an element of cultural identity to
art
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that makes it worth preserving. I am of the opinion that
artists
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should be eligible for government grants, because
otherwise
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the profession might suffer to the detriment of our cultural heritage.
Body paragraph 1
Due to
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the recent increases in price
due to
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high rates of inflation, many German citizens are anxious to reduce their spending. An increase in taxes would likely be received poorly.
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, the likelihood of additional government funding without a citizen-funded pool of money ,
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as the „Solidaritätszuschlag",is unlikely.
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extra tax has been widely debated and is generally seen as extremely unpopular.
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, passing a law that prescribes
such
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a grant in combination with changes to the tax system is nigh impossible. It could,
however
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, be said that the money spent on
artists
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might aid the economy in the sense of buying
art
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supplies. If those
art
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supplies were obtained from smaller businesses, the money would benefit a larger percentage of the population. Despite
this
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, it may be very difficult to garner the support needed to pass
such
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a bill in Congress.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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,
while
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funding for
art
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is not usually treated as important compared to larger societal issues
such
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as inflation, artistic
works
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are the cornerstone of culture and should be preserved. When we consider where our knowledge of past civilisations
,
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stems from, the answer is almost unanimously "from their
art
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". For millennia, creative
works
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were utilised to record stories and histories. From the cave painting in France, showing the existence of certain animals, the tattoos on ice age mummies exhibiting craftsmanship, to the highly evolved cultures of ancient Egypt, Rome and Greece with their advanced architecture, varied cultural and religious practices , and enduring concepts
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as the Olympic Games, the remnants of their
art
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illuminate their cultures for us. Without these glimpses into the past, much of history would possibly be lost.
While
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it might be difficult to decide
,
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which
works
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of
art
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are worth funding and
thus
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preserving, it is highly relevant that we as a society do not condemn
art
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to become an afterthought. If
artists
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are not supported at least partially, we might risk losing aspects of our culture for future generations.
Conclusion
For these reasons, the importance of documenting culture in
works
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of
art
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and the valuable insights
this
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provides to scientists and historians, provisions should be made to support low-income
artists
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. Despite the difficulties in implementing
such
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legislation, the economy might actually benefit in the form of increased revenue for small businesses selling
art
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supplies.

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task response
Your view is clear: the state should help artists. To make it stronger, say more clearly how this help should work. For example, grants could go to artists with low pay, or to art that is open to the public.
task response
The first main part spends a lot of time on why new taxes may be hard. This is useful, but it does not fully show why artists should not get help. Add a short answer: the state could use part of its present art or culture money instead of adding a new tax.
task response
Your history examples are strong, but some are very broad. Link each one more directly to your point that artists today need help to keep culture alive.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep each main part focused on one idea. In the first part, move the point about art supplies to a new part or make its link to funding clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the change in your view, such as “On the other hand” or “Even so”. “Conversely” works, but a simpler link may make the change easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold many ideas. Break them into shorter sentences, especially the sentence about cave art, mummies, Egypt, Rome, and Greece. This will make your meaning easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main view well. Make it even more direct by ending with one firm line: governments should give limited, fair help to low-paid artists because art keeps culture for the future.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same main view from start to end.
task response
The essay gives useful real-world points about tax cost, public support, culture, history, and small shops.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly introduces both the cost issue and the culture issue, then states your view.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear central idea, and the final part brings the main points together.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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