IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is often argued that providing more places for physical activity is the most effective way to improve public
health
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, as
this
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 would encourage more
people
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 to
exercise
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. Others, including myself, disagree, arguing that maintaining a healthy diet and raising awareness of healthy lifestyles can have a greater impact than simply increasing access to sports
facilities
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, increasing the number of sports
facilities
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 can motivate more
people
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 to engage in physical activity. Since many
people
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 nowadays lead busy lives and may be unwilling to spend considerable time travelling to
exercise
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, providing more
facilities
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 near their homes, workplaces and schools would allow them to remain active more conveniently.
Moreover
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, greater competition among
such
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facilities
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 could reduce membership fees, making
exercise
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 more affordable and encouraging wider participation.
For example
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, the Saudi Arabian government has developed public spaces where citizens can participate in various sporting activities free of charge in order to encourage a more active lifestyle.
Nonetheless
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, I believe that other measures could have a greater
overall
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 impact.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, raising
health
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 awareness can encourage
people
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 to
exercise
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 even at home and help them understand the importance of maintaining a balanced diet. Healthy eating habits are particularly important because many
health
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 problems are associated with excessive calorie intake and the frequent consumption of highly processed foods.
Therefore
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, governments should implement policies that encourage healthier dietary choices.
For instance
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, requiring restaurants and cafés to display calorie information on menus can help consumers make more informed decisions and avoid excessive consumption.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 increasing the number of sports
facilities
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 can encourage
people
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 to become more physically active, I believe that promoting healthy eating habits and improving public awareness are more effective ways of achieving better public
health
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.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view of your own. To make your view even stronger, explain more fully why food and health teaching may help more people than new sports places. For example, say that a person can eat well every day, but may not use a sports place often.
task response
Your ideas are clear and on topic. Add one more short real example for the second view, such as a school food plan or a tax on drinks with much sugar. This would make that part feel as full as the first part.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, first view, second view, and end. Keep this strong plan. The main ideas in each part are easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. You could also link the last line of the first main part more closely to the next part. For example: “However, sport alone cannot deal with poor food habits.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long. Break one or two of them into shorter sentences to make the meaning even easier to read. This is most useful in the part about food and health problems.
task response
You answer every part of the question. You show both sides, give your own view, and support your ideas with clear reasons.
task response
The example of free public sports spaces is relevant and helps show how more places may lead to more activity.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear focus. The first is about easy access to sport, while the second is about food and health teaching.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly repeats your main view and brings the essay to a natural close.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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