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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 it is difficult to find someone who does not own a smartphone, as it has become a necessity rather than just an accessory. With the everyday development of technology, we tend to use
them
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it
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 more frequently, without
realizing
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realising
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 how much
time
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 and energy we spend scrolling on our smartphones.
Body paragraph 1
There are likely many reasons behind
this
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behavior
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behaviour
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.
Firstly
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,
people
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 try to escape from reality through their screens, watching their
favorite
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favourite
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 shows, following influencers or scrolling endlessly. We open our
phones
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 for a few minutes to relax and
then
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 proceed to waste precious
time
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. Another possible reason is that reaching out for our
phone
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phones
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 has become a habit. Everyone has their own routine, but many
people
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 check their
phones
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 almost immediately after receiving a text or a call.
Often
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Often,
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 the cellphone remains in their hands
and
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, and
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 they continue using it.
Last
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 but not least, smartphones can provide pleasure through the bright lights, sounds and endless content offered by different apps, which can stimulate the brain's reward system.
Body paragraph 2
From my perspective,
this
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 trend of spending a large part of our free
time
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 on smartphones is negative. First and foremost, we can become addicted to our mobiles and spend hours on them, scrolling and comparing our lives with others. Another issue is that many of the beautiful lives and
people
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 we see on social media are fake or heavily edited.
This
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 can create new insecurities and make us feel that we are not good enough. Most of us are aware of the negative effects of spending too much
time
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 on our
phones
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, but it can be a challenging habit to break.
Conclusion
Overall
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, I believe that cellphones can become a waste of precious
time
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 that could be used in more beneficial ways. They can
also
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 contribute to unnecessary insecurities and worries that might not exist if
people
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 were not constantly exposed to unrealistic images and opinions online.
To conclude
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, I believe that spending too much
time
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 on our mobile
phones
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 can have negative effects on our lives and well-being.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task clearly: you give reasons and state that this is a negative change. To make your answer stronger, explain each reason with one more clear result. For example, say how phone use can take time from family, sleep, sport, or face-to-face talk.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant, but some are close to each other. The ideas about escape, habit, and pleasure could be made more separate. Give one short real-life example for each main point, such as a person checking messages during a meal or staying awake late at night.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, reasons, your view, and ending. Keep this plan. In the reasons paragraph, use clearer links between ideas, such as 'Another reason is...' and 'Finally...'.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated near the end, especially that phones waste time and harm well-being. You can make the ending shorter by saying your main view once, then adding one final thought about using phones with care.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are very long. Split them into two shorter sentences when you give a cause and its effect. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start of the third paragraph and keep the same view to the end.
task response
The points about habit, social media, and false online images are useful and fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main purpose, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Firstly', 'Another possible reason', 'Last but not least', and 'Overall' help show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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