IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express any thought and idea. To what extant do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
In order to enhance artists’ creativity
some
Punctuation problem
, some
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freedom
Use synonyms
 is a
most
Use the right word
must
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. It is
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
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 that
a
Correct article usage
apply
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total
freedom
Use synonyms
 should be given to an
artists
Fix the agreement mistake
artist
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 to try any insight and idea. Personally, I totally disagree with
this
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 opinion, I support that
it should be there
Correct word order
there should be
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 strict
rules
Use synonyms
 in the art industry. In
this
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 essay, I will give two reasons to reinforce my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, there are several reasons why having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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complete
freedom
Use synonyms
 as an artist is not an ideal decision. The main reason is that the need
of
Change preposition
for
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 deep respect toward different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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. That means without
rules
Use synonyms
 to control the arts filed the outcome could lead to misrepresentation of certain traditions. To illustrate, some
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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 could have an idea to
modernize
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modernise
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 an authentic art
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 if they apply it,
it could be there a
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there could be
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 negative feedback. For that, it is necessary to establish some
rules
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 for the arts sector.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, the second reason is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vandalism crime which affecting individuals.
On
Change preposition
In
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 other words, to have the
freedom
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 to paint on the wall or any surface without obtaining the
owner
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owner's
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 approval will
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
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 numerous complaints.
According to
Linking Words
 an interview with one of the storefront defacing
victims
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victims,
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 he said that ‘the damage cost him a large amount of money and he
wish
Correct subject-verb agreement
wishes
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 there
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 some
rules
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 to prevent
this
Linking Words
 kind of action’. So putting some boundaries in order to protect a
citizens’
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citizen’s
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 business.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, to achieve
respecting
Replace the word
respect for
 culture and
reducing art’s crime
Correct word order
reduce crime in the arts sector,
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 the authorities need to apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
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rules
Use synonyms
 and draw some lines
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the arts sector. It is an essential requirement.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree with total freedom for artists. However, explain more clearly how far you disagree. You could say that artists need much freedom, but not freedom to harm people, their property, or their culture.
task response
Develop each main point further. In the first body part, explain why a change to old art may upset people and why this needs care. In the second, explain that painting on private walls is not only art; it is damage when the owner did not agree.
task response
Use examples that are more full and easy to believe. The interview example is not well explained. Give a clear made-up example, such as an artist painting a shop wall without permission, and show the cost to the shop owner.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Make the links between ideas smoother. For example, after the first point, say: “Another reason is that freedom must not allow damage to other people’s property.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. The first body part should focus only on respect for culture. The second should focus only on damage to property. Then add one or two sentences to explain each idea before the example.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending a short summary of your two reasons. Avoid new words or ideas there. For example: “In short, artists should be free to create, but rules are needed to respect culture and protect private property.”
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your two main reasons are relevant: respect for culture and protection of private property.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it uses separate paragraphs for the two main reasons and includes a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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