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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that working for yourself is the best way to have a good career. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Introduction
It is believed that by some individuals being self-employed is an ideal way to
bullied
Use the right word
build
show examples
 a successful
career
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
show examples
 I will
discusses
Wrong verb form
discuss
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 the main pros and cons of
this
Linking Words
 idea, focusing on flexibility and
work
Use synonyms
–life
balance
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 1
First of all, there are many benefits of being a
freelances
Fix the agreement mistake
freelancer
show examples
. The main one is the flexibility in how and when people
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means that if an employee has the ability to
work
Use synonyms
 anytime and anywhere without regulation, it can assess them in terms of time management.
Also
Linking Words
, because there are no rules in how the
work
Use synonyms
 is done, the employee is gaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient experience
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as problem-solving
skill
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skills
show examples
 and decision-making
skill
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skills
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some individuals thought that it is the
idle
Use the right word
ideal
show examples
 way to have a great
career
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
famous CEOs, especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in the finance sector, had started as
self-employee
Replace the word
self-employed
 from their home as investment
adviser
Fix the agreement mistake
advisers
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working by yourself. The most obvious one is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the difficulty in having a life-
work
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, if a person has chosen the self- employed path, it will be a challenge to maintain the
balance
Use synonyms
 between personal life and
work
Use synonyms
 life. To illustrate,
according to
Linking Words
 many influencers, the huge challenge surrounding them is that the management of their business and personal life, and because of
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 they are finding it hard to be successful in their job . For that, a significant number of people find themselves
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggling
show examples
 to have a great
career
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite the fact that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 working by yourself can lead to great
career
Use synonyms
 opportunities by
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 the needed skills, the biggest challenge is
that the achievement of
Replace the word
achieving a
 healthy
work
Use synonyms
-life
balance
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. Explain why being your own boss can help a career, but also why it can harm a career.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, say that people can choose their work time, take on more than one job, and make their own plans. Then explain how this may help them grow.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The example about famous CEOs is too broad. Give one simple case, such as a web designer who finds clients online and can work from home.
task response
Be careful with your main point about work-life balance. Self-employed people may have more control of their time, but they may also work too much. Explain both sides clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the first paragraph state both the good and bad sides more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example that directly supports that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'First of all', 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'In conclusion' help, but some links do not show the exact meaning. Make sure the next sentence follows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'great career' and 'working by yourself'. Use simple other forms, such as 'a good career', 'self-employment', or 'running your own business'.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of self-employment, which directly answers the question.
task response
You choose useful main ideas: freedom at work and the risk of poor work-life balance.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, separate paragraphs for each side, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as 'First of all', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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