IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is often argued that children must be protected from unsuitable material on TV and the Internet by government censorship. Others say that this is the parents' responsibility to control what their children do and watch. To what extent do you think that this is true?

#children #tv #internet #government #censorship #parents #responsibility #control
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In today's digital age, with the prevalence of TV and the Internet,
children
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 are often exposed to unsafe information. The question of whether the
government
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 should enact regulations to avoid
this
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 adverse situation or whether parents should take full responsibility for supervising their
children
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 has become a matter of considerable debate. From my perspective, the
government
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 must implement policies to mitigate
this
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 issue. Advocates of
government
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 censorship argue that it provides a necessary safeguard against harmful and age-inappropriate material that
children
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 might encounter online or on television. In today's digital era, where access to various forms of
media
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 is virtually unrestricted, regulatory measures are essential to prevent exposure to violence, explicit
content
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, and misleading information.
For example
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, age-based
content
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 ratings and restrictions on certain types of
content
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 can help ensure that
children
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 are shielded from psychological and developmental harm.
Furthermore
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,
government
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 intervention can establish a standardized framework across
media
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 platforms, ensuring consistency in
content
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 regulations and enhancing public awareness of safe viewing practices.
This
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 approach holds
media
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 providers accountable for the
content
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 they distribute.
However
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, it is undeniable that parents play a pivotal role in monitoring and guiding their
children
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's
media
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 consumption based on individual needs and values.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 should prioritize establishing the first line of
defense
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defence
show examples
 in
content
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 control, thereby enabling parents to collaborate in safeguarding the
overall
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 well-being of their
children
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. In conclusion,
while
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 parental responsibility is paramount,
government
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 censorship is necessary to reinforce protections against harmful
media
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content
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. A balanced approach that combines regulatory oversight with parental guidance is crucial in ensuring the well-being and development of
children
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 in today's digital age.
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument for the necessity of government censorship in protecting children from harmful media content. However, consider expanding the range of examples and evidence to make your argument even more compelling and specific.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, try to use more transitional phrases and sentences to better connect your ideas and ensure a smoother flow between paragraphs. This will help in reinforcing the logical structure of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and provide a clear framework for the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
You effectively balance the roles of both the government and parents, offering a nuanced perspective on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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