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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that governments should be responsible for transporting children to school, while others believe that parents should get their children to school. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is often argued by
people
Use synonyms
 that
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must taking responsible to taking care
chilrden
Correct your spelling
of children
 to
school
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others believe that houshold member should get their kid to
school
Use synonyms
.
Accoarding
Correct your spelling
According
 to
this
Linking Words
 point, I firmly believe that children should be
to
Verb problem
taken to
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 by their guardians rather than by an officer.
This
Linking Words
eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
 will discuss both views before explaining why I do supported with
this
Linking Words
 view.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 an officer should transporting child to
school
Use synonyms
.
Becuase
Correct your spelling
Because
 many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they are duty
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
wroking
Correct your spelling
working
 as an authority. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, responsibility must
taken
Verb problem
be taken
show examples
 by their
parents
Use synonyms
 rather than
othe
Correct your spelling
the
 person.
For instance
Linking Words
, kids are more
familia
Correct your spelling
familiar
 and feel more comfortable
to go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 with guardain.
Moreover
Linking Words
, biological
parents
Use synonyms
taking
Verb problem
have to
show examples
 respond
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
show examples
 have to do.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, responsibilities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a part of
parents
Use synonyms
who is
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 must
taken
Verb problem
be taken
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, a significant role as
leader
Add an article
a leader
show examples
 of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
 duty should not
by any person
Correct word order
be taken on by anyone
show examples
 who is not
being
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
a
part of
Check wording
apply
show examples
family member.
Moreover
Linking Words
, all
younger
Check wording
young people
show examples
 feel more safely once they stay beside their own
guardain
Correct your spelling
guardian
.
For example
Linking Words
, Holding hand to across
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the road
adn
Correct your spelling
and
 saying a welcome word.
Thus
Linking Words
,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 I believe that children have an energy boost up for being success in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 career and more beneficial.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 support the idea that
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
transproting
Correct your spelling
transport
 children to
school
Use synonyms
. Whilst
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 must
taken
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 it. Personally, I believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 must tske respond to because
that is
Linking Words
 our duty and responsibility.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
guardian
Fix the agreement mistake
guardians
show examples
 take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 family member is benificial than others.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, the first side is not clear enough. Explain why some people think the government should take children to school, such as for safety, low cost, or help for busy parents.
task response
Your own view is clear: parents or guardians should take children to school. Give two clear reasons, then explain each reason in more detail. For example, parents know their child well and can keep them safe on the way.
task response
Use examples that directly show your point. The example about holding hands to cross the road is useful, but explain how it makes the child safer or helps the parent care for the child.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and an ending. This is a good basic plan. Make the first main part only about government transport, and make the second main part only about parents taking children to school.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat without adding a new point, such as parents having a duty. Add a clear topic sentence, one reason, an example, and a short result in each main paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in the right way: “On the one hand” for the government view, “On the other hand” for the parent view, and “For example” before an example. Do not use “Moreover” again and again.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and easy to follow. For example, write: “Parents are responsible for getting their children to school.” Avoid long sentences with many unclear parts.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and state your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear essay shape with an opening, main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • safety and reliability
  • standardize the quality of transportation
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental pollution
  • regulation
  • trained drivers
  • well-maintained vehicles
  • flexible schedules
  • personalized care
  • parent-child relationships
  • school community
  • financial burdens
  • fuel costs
  • vehicle maintenance
  • public transport fees
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