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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, more and more fathers take care of their children at home while mothers work full-time. what's the reason for this? is it a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In an increasingly interconnected world, it is becoming common for
countries
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 to have populations made up of
people
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 from a wide range of cultural and ethnic backgrounds.
This
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 trend is primarily driven by international migration, which is itself influenced by economic, educational and political factors. In my view, the growing cultural
diversity
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 of societies is overwhelmingly a positive development,
although
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 it can present certain challenges.
Body paragraph 1
One of the principal reasons for
this
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 demographic change is the movement of
people
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 in search of better opportunities. Individuals may migrate to
countries
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 where employment prospects, wages or educational institutions are more attractive than those in their home
countries
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.
In addition
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, political instability and conflict can force
people
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 to relocate and establish permanent lives
elsewhere
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. Over time, these migrants often bring their languages, traditions and social customs with them, contributing to the cultural
diversity
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 of their adopted
countries
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.
Body paragraph 2
This
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 development can have substantial benefits. At an individual level, exposure to different cultures can broaden
people
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’s perspectives and encourage greater tolerance. When
people
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 interact regularly with those whose customs and beliefs differ from their own, they are more likely to develop an understanding of alternative ways of life rather than relying on stereotypes. At a societal level, migrants can
also
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 make valuable economic contributions by filling labour shortages, establishing businesses and bringing specialised skills to the workforce.
Furthermore
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, culturally diverse communities can enrich national life through their cuisine, art, festivals and traditions.
Body paragraph 3
Admittedly, cultural
diversity
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 may create difficulties if different communities struggle to communicate or integrate. Differences in language, social norms and religious or cultural practices can occasionally lead to misunderstandings.
However
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, these challenges are not an inevitable consequence of
diversity
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 itself. Effective education, language support and policies that encourage social interaction can help different groups participate fully in society
while
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 maintaining aspects of their cultural identity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the increasing presence of different cultural and ethnic groups within
countries
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 is largely a consequence of international migration driven by economic, educational and political factors.
Although
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 multicultural societies may face some challenges, I believe that the broader benefits of cultural understanding, economic contribution and social enrichment make
this
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 a strongly positive development.

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task response
Your essay answers a different question. The topic asks why more fathers stay at home while mothers work full-time, and whether this is good or bad. Write about family roles, pay, child care costs, and equal work chances for women.
task response
Make your view clear from the start and keep it about the same topic in every part. Say if this change is mostly good or bad, then give clear reasons for your view.
task response
Use real or made-up examples about parents. For example, a mother may earn more than the father, so the father stays home to care for the child and save money on child care.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is easy to follow, with a clear start, main parts, and ending. However, the whole plan must match the given question before you develop your points.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. For this topic, one paragraph can explain why this happens, and the next can explain why it is good or bad.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links such as 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'For this reason' to show how each idea connects to the next.
task response
You give clear reasons and a clear view in your essay, even though they are for a different topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, well-ordered main paragraphs, and a closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a smooth order, and the links between paragraphs are clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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