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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are those who consider work to be the paramount aspect of life, suggesting that without career success, life loses its meaning. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Many
people
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 believe that professional achievement is the most important aspect of
life
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 and that, without it, existence loses its meaning. I strongly disagree,
although
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 I accept that a successful
career
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 brings real benefits.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
career
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 success can give
life
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 direction. Ambitious individuals often regard their work as a way to challenge themselves, and
this
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 mindset can produce remarkable results.
For example
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, Aliko Dangote became one of Africa's most successful businessmen through relentless determination, and millions of young
people
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 now see him as a role model.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, a
career
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 alone cannot make a
life
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 meaningful. Someone may have an impressive job but neglect their character, which can damage their relationships and reputation. Many
people
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 judge others by their values and behaviour rather than by their job title. A manager who treats colleagues badly,
for instance
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, is unlikely to be respected,
however
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 high his position.
Body paragraph 3
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are many other ways to achieve success within a community. Through hard work, charity and good conduct, ordinary
people
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 can influence society more deeply than some professionals. A teacher who mentors poor students, or a volunteer who feeds the homeless, may leave a stronger legacy than a wealthy executive.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I disagree that
career
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 success is the paramount element of
life
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, since personality, actions and reputation are often more admired.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, work remains important and should not be neglected.

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task response
Your clear view is given at the start and kept to the end. To make it even stronger, say more about why work is not the main source of a good life, such as family, health, or peace of mind.
task response
Your main points are on topic and well explained. The point about character is good, but you could link it more directly to meaning in life, not only to respect from other people.
task response
Your examples fit your ideas. The example of a teacher and a volunteer is strong. The businessman example shows career success, but add one short line to show why this success may still not be enough for a full life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: career benefits, limits of career, other sources of meaning, then a final view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea and good support. You can make the link between the second and third body parts smoother by using a short link such as: “For this reason, success can also come from helping others.”
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and final parts match well. In the final part, you could repeat your main reason in a more direct way: work matters, but it should not come before people, health, and good actions.
task response
You answer the question fully and clearly show that you do not agree with the claim.
task response
You give a fair view by saying that work has real value while also showing why it is not the only thing that gives life meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of “On the one hand”, “However”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The final part gives a clear ending and returns to your main view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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