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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that a person’s personality is innate and cannot be changed. Others think that character is developed through experience and environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
More and more people think that our character traits are determined at birth and remain fixed throughout our lives. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
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 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I believe that
while
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 we may inherit some tendencies, our
personality
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 is primarily shaped by our
environment
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 and life experiences for two reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I believe that the "nurture" aspect of development is far more powerful than "nature." In fact, a child raised in a supportive and social
environment
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 will likely develop confidence, regardless of their genetic background.
Although
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 some traits like shyness might be innate, you can see how education and social interaction can transform a person into a charismatic leader. A study published by The
Center
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Centre
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 for Social Dynamics in 2025 concluded that 70% of a person’s character is
molded
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moulded
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 by their surroundings during their formative years.
Therefore
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, our
environment
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 is the main architect of who we become.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, I believe that people have the ability to consciously change their
personality
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 through self-reflection and habit. What I mean is that as adults, we can choose to unlearn negative traits and develop positive ones like patience or resilience.
Furthermore
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, major life events,
such
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 as
traveling
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travelling
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 or starting a new career, often force us to adapt and change our perspective.
For example
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, someone who is naturally
disorganized
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disorganised
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 can become disciplined if they work in a professional military
environment
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.
As a result
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,
personality
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 is a dynamic and evolving process rather than a static biological trait.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that our experiences and choices have a greater impact on our
personality
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 than our genetics.

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Task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you answer the question well. To make the answer stronger, explain a little more why some inborn traits do not decide a person's whole character.
Task response
Your two main reasons are clear: the effect of home and school, and the power of choice and life change. Add one more short detail to each example to show exactly how the change happens.
Task response
Be careful with the study claim. If you use a study, give a real source and clear facts. If you are not sure, use a general example instead.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two body parts, and ending. Each body part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as “First of all,” “In addition,” and “In conclusion,” work well. You could also link ideas inside a paragraph more closely by showing cause and result in more detail.
Coherence and cohesion
Some lines repeat the same point about change. You can make the flow tighter by using one clear final line in each body part before moving to the next idea.
Task response
You give a direct view and keep it the same through the whole essay.
Task response
The example of a person becoming more disciplined in a military job is clear and fits your main point.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what you think and gives the two reasons that will follow.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly brings back your main view without adding a new idea.
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