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Band 4.5

In many countries, it is becoming mandatory to receive vaccines in order to prevent the spread of disease. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Now a days
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 is made compulsory to have immunisation
shots
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 in many countries to prevent the transmission of
diseases
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. I believe it is a positive development and have great impact on children
as well as
Linking Words
 elder's health. These
vaccines
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helps
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help
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 them to protect their
body
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 from many infections.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, immunisation
shots
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 are started to
given
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be given
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 at 2 months of
baby's
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a baby's
show examples
.
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age.
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 These are
speacially
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specially
 made from those chemicals and medicines which can prevent various kinds of
life threatening
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life-threatening
diseases
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 at
the
Correct article usage
an
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 early age.
For example
Linking Words
 In the past
In
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in
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 India, most of the children were diagnosed with polio when they were at walking age. To stop it from spreading
further
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,
government
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the government
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 made it mandatory to have polio
vaccines
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 from 1 month of
baby's
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a baby's
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 age till 5 years on different stages.
Hence
Linking Words
, these
vaccines
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 totally vanished
this
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 problem from
country
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the country
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. Now there is hardly any person suffering from
this
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 problem.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, there are many
vaccines
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 for different
diseases
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are
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that are
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 given for free
of cost
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apply
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to every citizen of the country. These are done only to make people
more healthy
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healthier
 and to stop spreading it to whole towns and cities. These
vaccines
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 are very helpful for our bodies to fight
againts
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against
 the infections in the
body
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.
For
Linking Words
example
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example,
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 there are
vaccines
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 for every small to big illness like cold, cough, fever, migraines and diabetes. Even if they don't totally kill the infection
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 can at least keep our
body
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 safe from these
diseases
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. So, these
shots
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 are
life saving
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life-saving
 for many people.
Conclusion
In
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As
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 a result, it can be said that taking
vaccines
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 really helps the
body
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 to fight
with
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apply
show examples
illnesses. Though people get afraid
from
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of
show examples
 fever or cold
which
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, which
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 is
common
Add an article
a common
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 side effect of it
and
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, and
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 think they are harmful
for
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to
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 health. But there
are
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is
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 no any evidences which shows that immunisation
shots
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 can cause any problem to human beings and their
body
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part and keep the same view in all parts. You say this is positive, which is good, but explain more fully why making vaccines a must is better than letting people choose.
task response
Use facts that are correct and closely linked to the question. The polio example is useful, but vaccines do not prevent every cold, cough, fever, migraine, or diabetes. This weakens your answer.
task response
Develop each main idea with a simple reason and result. For example, say that high vaccine use protects babies, old people, and those who are ill because disease has less chance to move from person to person.
task response
You mention side effects at the end, but do not fully deal with this other view. Say that some people may have a short fever or pain, but these are usually less serious than the disease.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, and an ending. Make the links between ideas clearer by using words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each body part. The first part can focus on children and polio. The second part can focus on protecting the whole public. Do not add a long list of illnesses that does not fit the point.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter and clearer. For example, instead of “these vaccines totally vanished this problem from country”, write “As a result, polio has almost gone from the country.”
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for the main idea. Choose “vaccines” or “immunisation shots” and use it most of the time, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
task response
You clearly state that you see mandatory vaccines as a positive change.
task response
The example about polio in India is relevant and helps show how vaccines can stop disease from spreading.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a final ending, so it is easy to see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “First of all”, “Moreover”, and “For example” to move from one idea to the next.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • vaccines
  • prevent
  • spread
  • disease
  • positive
  • negative
  • development
  • health
  • community
  • infectious
  • population
  • immunity
  • outbreaks
  • complications
  • personal choice
  • resistance
  • health policies
  • lives
  • sick
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